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Thứ Ba, 23 tháng 2, 2021

A young woman visits a florist to get some flowers for her mother.

As she's perusing, she notices the most gorgeous rose she's ever seen sitting next to the cashier, and asks for its price.

"Oh, sorry," the cashier replies. "That one's not for sale. I got that as a gift from a fellow florist for hooking him up with a woman I met yesterday."

"Yesterday?!" she gasps. "How did they hit it off so quickly?"

"Well, he's a handsome man, a really nice guy, and apparently a wonderful lover. And to top it off," he says, leaning into a whisper, "I hear he's got a 10-inch cock!"

She giggles, blushing. "Sounds like quite the catch! Where can I find him?"

"He's just a block over. But fair warning...he's also a little...kooky. He's only interested in women named after flowers. So if I ever meet a woman with a flowery name, I send her his way."

He points at the rose. "Then, he sends me a flower as a thank you. Yesterday was Rose. A week ago, I recommended Violet to him," he says, indicating a slightly wilted violet in a vase behind him.

The woman thanks him and leaves, bitterly cursing her own name. Undeterred, she visits the well-endowed florist's shop. Stepping up to the counter, she pointedly inquires, "I heard you are particularly...skilled... in certain areas?"

He smirks. "So I have been told. And who might you be?"

Her heart skips a beat at his sexy accent. "I was referred by your friend down the street. Perhaps you can...assist me?"

"Perhaps," he says, "but tell me...what is your name?"

She hesitates. Then, pouting slightly, she replies "Kristen. But everyone calls me Kris."

His smile falters, and his head sinks as he shakes his head. Kris's heart drops, knowing she's blown her chance.

"Well then...if it's not too much trouble, I'd like some flowers for my mother."

"Of course," he sighs, turning towards his menagerie of bouquets behind glass. "What kind of flowers does...she...."

Suddenly, without another word, he locks the shop door, swoops upon her, and takes her into his arms.

Three hours of mind-altering orgasms later, she bids him goodbye with a kiss, as he presents a complimentary bouquet for her mother.

"And please," he says, "tell your sweet mama she is welcome to as many flowers from my shop as she would like."

Flustered with ecstasy, she promises to convey the message, and calls her mother that night to tell her everything.

The next day, Kris feels incredible, and stops by the original florist's shop.

"I just wanted to thank you for telling me about that dashing gentleman! He was AMAZING!"

He smiles sheepishly. "I suppose I should thank you too. I just got another beautiful flower for recommending you to him."

"Really? What flower could he have possibly sent that was named after me?"

The florist sighs. "Chrysanthemum."

Reposts...

r/Jokes has a search feature, input the title or punchline of your joke (before posting) and if it's been posted within the last month - please don't submit it.

A man went to the doctor...

He said, "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!"

The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only to hear, "Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks."

"I've never seen or heard anything like this before, how long has this been going on." The doctor asked.

"That's nothing Doc. put your ear to my knee."

The doctor put his ear to the man's knee and heard it say "Man, I really need 10 bucks, just lend me 10 bucks!!"

"Sir, I really don't know what to tell you. I've never seen anything like this." The doctor was dumbfounded.

"Wait Doc, that's not it. There's more, just put your ear up to my ankle," the man urged him.

The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead, "Please, I just need 5 bucks. Lend me 5 bucks please if you can."

I have no idea what to tell you," the doctor said. "There's nothing about it in my books," he said as he frantically searched all his medical reference books.

"I can make a well educated guess though. Based on life and all my previous experience I can tell you that your leg appears to be broke in three places."

Just wondering, do you think it's alright for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are in school ?

Or am I just a terrible Teacher ?

I think my wife has been putting superglue on my water gun collection.

She denies it but I'm sticking to my guns.

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park...

As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home.

When he reached his driveway, there was the cat.

He kept taking the cat further and further but the cat would always beat him home.

One day he decided to drive hundreds of miles away. He drove out of town, through the desert and into the next state until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home. He let the cat out and headed back.

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"

"Yes," the wife answers. "Why do you ask?"

"Put him on the phone," the man replies. "I'm lost and need directions."

Thứ Hai, 22 tháng 2, 2021

People in Iran are scared of spiders

But in Iraq, no phobia.