Why do riot police wake up early?

...so they can beat the crowds...

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Stalin should have known that communism wouldn't work.

There were red flags everywhere....

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I ****ing love asterisks!

Seriously. I swear by them....

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Give a man a fish he eats for a day. What happens if you teach a man to duck?

He avoids walking into a bar....

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A German girl married a Spanish man

A German girl married a Spanish man & went to Spain. She can't speak Spanish. Each time she wants to buy chicken legs, she would lift her skirt& show her thighs to enable the seller understand her. This went on for sometime. One day she wanted to buy banana. So She took her husband to the shop. Because her husband speaks Spanish very well....

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How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they all use gas lighting....

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I had a friend who got a testicle removed after finding a lump

That's how serious he is about mashed potato...

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