Whats the differerence between a flat earther and a knife?

A knife has a point

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My professor told me that I’m failing my ethics class

So I slid 20 dollars across the table and said what about now...?

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I bought a locket today and put my own picture in it

I am now independent

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Two nuns were riding their bicycles on a cobblestone road in Rome.

The first nun said, "I've never come this way before." The second nun responded, "It must be the cobblestones."

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My lesbian friends

just bought me a rolex for my birthday.

I don't mean to be rude, but that's not what I meant when I said "I wanna watch".

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So I was sitting at a bar the other night, when I see this lovely lady sitting down at the other end.. (Nsfw)

So I was sitting at a bar the other night, when I see this lovely lady sitting down at the other end. . . I slide on down over to her and we start talking.

After a while of chatting and a few rounds I said "Listen honey, I was wondering if after we finish these drinks, you'd like to come back to my place and have some fun?" She smiles and says "That sounds like a great idea." I reply back, "Alright but fair warning ahead of time, I wanna do something kind of kinky." She says "OK, thats totally fine by me."

So we go back to my place, and we have sex in a very normal and conventional way. Afterwards while laying in bed, she says to me "Well, that was great but uhh. I thought you wanted to do something kinky?"

I said "Oh yeah. While you were in the bathroom, I went over and shit in your purse."

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Why will nobody tell me what the lowest rank of the military is?

Everyone keeps telling me that it’s private.

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