Unless they’re executed properly, that is.
Thứ Năm, 11 tháng 3, 2021
Little johny was told by his friends that adults have deep dark secrets and can be easily manipulated
Johnny decides to test it. He comes home, goes up to his mother and says, "Mom, I know everything." Mom shushes him and gives him $10.
"Just don't tell Dad" she says.
Hey, it's working thinks Little Johnny.
An hour later, Dad comes home from work. Johnny goes up to him and says: "Dad, I know everything."
Dad gives Johnny $100. "Don't tell Mom" he says.
Just then, the mailman knocks on the door. Johnny opens it and says. "I know everything, Mister."
The mailman drops all his mail, his eyes tear up and he says:
"Well then Johnny, come give Daddy a hug."
Thứ Tư, 10 tháng 3, 2021
A tractor salesman shows up at Joe's farm...
The salesman approaches the farmer and says, "Good day to you sir! I'd like to tell you about our top-of-the-line tractor. You will not find a better tractor than this anywhere and I can see that you are a man of discerning tastes. Tell you what -- "
Old Joe interrupts the sales pitch and without a word leads the man to the barn. When they get there he says, "You a good salesman? Let me tell you a story. The other day I came out to milk old Bessie. I just got sat down behind her and she kicks me with her back left leg. So I tied it to the stall. Then she kicks me with her back right leg. So I tied that to the stall, too. Then she swats me right in the face with her tail. So I tied a piece of twine to her tail and looped the other end over the rafters.
The salesman gives a puzzled nod, and the farmer continues.
"Then my wife walked into the barn and she sees me standing behind old Bessie. Now, mister... if you can convince my wife I was only trying to MILK that cow I'll buy one of your damn tractors."
A Lawyer goes shooting and brings down a marvellous pheasant right on Farmer Joe's field...
Knowing the law, he goes over to the farmhouse and knocks on the door, farmer Joe opens, and the Lawyer speaks,
"Excuse me sir, but I'm a lawyer on a shoot, and I happen to have brought down a fairly marvellous pheasant over in your field yonder. Being a lawyer (I happen to have attended an extremely prestigious school and am partner in a large firm, we mostly deal in corporate you know but...) anyway, I wonder if you wouldn't be a decent little chap about it and let me have it. Being a lawyer, I know the law, that I'm to ask the landowners permission before I retrieve game."
Farmer Joe looks over the lawyer's shoulder and sees the pheasant.
"Well... it is a pretty nice one. Tell you what, we can play Ro-sham-Bo for it. Winner keeps it"
The Lawyer is taken aback
"RO-SHAM-BO? I'm afraid in all my years in prestigious law schools, I'm afraid I never encountered the concept. What are the rules?
"Well," the farmer began, "we each take turns kicking each other tin the bollocks, the one who gives up first loses."
The lawyer doesn't like the sound of this at all, but he really wants the pheasant.
"Alright, I'll do it. Err... whom goes first?"
"I kick first cos its my land" says the farmer, simply.
The lawyer consents to stand in the porch, legs apart, and braces himself. Farmer Joe takes several steps back, breaks in to a run, and then swings his boot full force at the lawyer's crotch.
Lifted full off the ground, the lawyer crumples into a yelping, weeping heap, and takes a couple of minutes to get his bearings back, sobbing and cursing on the floor, before slowly straining to stand.
"Very well." Remarks the lawyer, "My turn."
"Nah, you can keep the pheasant" replies farmer Joe, and slams the door.
Two students are waiting to give their oral tests...
The first student's turn comes, and he goes inside
Examiner- Suppose you are traveling by train, and suddenly it gets hot, what will you do?
Student- I will open the window.
Examiner- Great, now suppose that the area of the window is 10 sq. ft, the volume of the car is 1000 cubic ft, the train is traveling at 60 miles/hr in the westerly direction, speed of the wind is 20 ft/sec from the south, how long will it take for the compartment to get cold?
The student can't answer. After coming out he tells the question to the second student.
The second student goes in and his test starts.
Examiner- Suppose you are traveling by train, and suddenly it gets hot, what will you do?
2nd Student- I will remove my jacket.
Examiner- It still is hot, then what?
Student- I will remove my shirt.
Examiner (angrily)- What are you going to do next, take off all your clothes?
Student- Yes.
Examiner (Fuming)- And what if it's still hot and you nearly go unconscious?
Student- I will lie there butt naked, dehydrated, dying a slow death, but will never ever open that god damned fucking window.
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