I recently wrote a sitcom about airplanes.

It never took off. The pilot was terrible.

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I switched all the labels on my wife’s spice rack....

I’m not in trouble yet but the thyme is cumin.

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A politician visited a village in Haiti after a devastating hurricane.

Upon arrival, he asked what their needs were.

“We have 2 basic needs sir,” replied the villager.

“Firstly, we have a hospital, but there's no doctor.”

On hearing this, the politician whipped out his phone, and after speaking for a while he reassured the village leader that the doctor would be there the next day.

He then asked about the second problem.

"Secondly sir, there is no phone coverage anywhere in the village.”

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Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the sides of their ships?

So they can Scandinavian.

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A cheese factory exploded in France today

De Brie was everywhere

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A good percentage of my friends are Nazis

That percentage is zero, that’s a good percentage of Nazi friends to have

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I’ve just got my latest batch of hemorrhoids medication but I had to call the doctor when I got a bad reaction. He asked ‘where did you apply it?...

On the bus I said.

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