"It was a business doing pleasure with you"
Thứ Hai, 5 tháng 4, 2021
A dog walks into the unemployment office..
"I need a job." He said, in perfect English.
Surprised, the clerk says "I'm sure the circus would be very interested in you. Shall I contact them?"
"If you like." Replied the dog. "But why would the circus need an architect?"
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation
Years ago, when one could actually enjoy travel, a man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation in Jerusalem and while they were there, the wife unfortunately passed away.
The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her buried here in the Holy Land for $150 or we can have her shipped back home for $5,000.” The husband thought about it and told the undertaker he would have her shipped back home. The undertaker asked him, "Why would you spend $5,000 to have her shipped home when you could have a beautiful burial here, and it would only cost $150?"
The husband replied, "Long ago, a man died here, was buried, and three days later, rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance!"
Dated a gold digger once.
I date this girl once, she was a solid 10. She was smoking hot, and crazy in bed. Things went south though, she claimed I lied about how much money I had.
And I was like “my exact words where, that I has worth between 40 and 75 million dollars”.
So what if it was only $2,165. It is still between $40- $75,000,000.
Chủ Nhật, 4 tháng 4, 2021
Jesus and Moses are relaxing on a boat and talking about the good old days.
The subject of miracles comes up, and they decide to see if they can still perform them.
"It's been almost 4000 years since I did this one" Moses says, then raises his arms. The water parts, revealing the floor of the lake.
Jesus claps His hands and says "Good one! It's only been about 2000 years since I did this" and steps off the boat onto the water, and sinks into the lake.
Moses parts the water and throws a line down to the soaking wet Jesus, and helps Him back onto the boat.
Jesus says "That was embarrassing. I guess I need to clear my mind and focus." Jesus closes His eyes, takes a deep, slow breath, then steps off the boat again. Again He sinks to the bottom of the lake.
Moses parts the water and helps Jesus up again. Moses says "Hey, maybe we should just head back and You can try again tomorrow" but Jesus says "No, I can do this." He mouths a silent prayer, winks at the sky, and again sinks when He steps off the boat.
Moses parts the water a third time and helps Jesus up. Jesus looks shaken and looks at His feet, then smiles.
"I know what's wrong now. Last time I didn't have these damn holes in my feet."
Dog walks into a telegraph office...
Says he wants to send a message.
"Sure" says the clerk, "what's the message?"
"Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof."
Clerk says, "OK, but for the same price, there's enough room for one more 'woof'".
Dog wrinkles his brow and replies, "But that wouldn't make any sense.."
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