An American, a Russian, and a Ukrainian are flying together in a small plane

The American gets up, goes to the window (it's not that small a plane) pulls a wad of money out of his pocket, and throws it out the window.

"In America, we have plenty of money. We can just throw it away."

The Russian, not to be outdone, rummages in his carry-on bag, pulls out a beautiful fur coat, and throws it out the window.

"In Russia, we have plenty of furs. We can just throw them away!"

The Ukrainian gets up, picks up the Russian, throws him out the window.

"In Ukraine, we have plenty of Russians!"

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A pregnant woman falls into a coma

After some months she wakes up in a hospital bed and as she gains consciousness she realises that her pregnancy belly is gone.

A doctor is standing next to her bed greeting her. "Hello, you have been in a coma for six months. But don't worry you are on good health and will be released soon!"

She anxiously asks him "Doctor what happened? What happened to my baby?"

"Don't worry about it! The birth went well and your babies are alive and healthy." The doctor replies.

"Babies? What do you mean babies?"

"Ma'am you had twins. A boy and a girl. Your brother has been taking care of them since their birth."

"My Brother? Oh no but he's an idiot! What did he name them?" The woman exclaims.

"He named the girl 'Denise'" The doctor says.

"That's not so bad." The woman replies. "What did he name the boy?"

"Denephew!"

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A man brings some flowers home to his wife. She’s so surprised by his romantic gesture that she lays back on the dining table, throws her legs in the air and spreads them.

Her husband confused looks down and goes, “What’s that for?"

His wife replies, “For the flowers of course."

He thinks for a moment and asks, “Don’t we have a vase?"

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This furniture store keeps calling me…

all I wanted was one nightstand.

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A guy walks into a bar and asks the bar tender "Do you guys have golden toilets?"

"What? Golden toilets? What are you talking about?" the bartender responds, confused.

"Look, last night I got pretty wasted but the one thing I can remember is peeing in a gold toilet," the guy insists.

The bartender thought for a moment, before replying, "OK, first, no we don't have golden toilets. And second, HEY FRANK, I FOUND THE GUY WHO PISSED IN YOUR TUBA!"

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I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today.

That's 5 years in a row now.

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John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep".

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