Serves him right.
Thứ Hai, 19 tháng 4, 2021
Chủ Nhật, 18 tháng 4, 2021
A woman in her 70s decided it was finally time to get married.
She put an add out in the newspaper. "Husband wanted. Must not beat me, must not walk all over me, must still be good in bed"
She got many applicants but after a few weeks she didn't find anybody suitable. She was about to give up, when she heard her doorbell ring. She opens the door to find a man with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair.
"Can I help you?" She asks.
The man smiles and says "Its me, your new husband!"
"You must be joking..." The woman laughs.
"Well think about it," he says. "I have no arms so i cannot beat you. I have no legs so i cant walk all over you."
The woman's eyes narrow and she asks "Are you still good in bed?"
The man leans back in his chair and smiles. "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"
An old joke from my parents' home country
At the international dentist convention the dentists from Iraq were displaying their new extraction technique.
With this device you can remove teeth from a patients mouth by entering through the rectum and navigating through their digestive track to pull the tooth out.
A dentist in the audience asks "Why did you make this?"
The iraqi dentist "Because Iraqis never open their mouths"
(At the time Saddam was killing anyone for talking bad about him)
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer — you're assigned to hell."
So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of accommodations and starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, they’ve got air-conditioning and flush toilets, escalators, elevators and so on ... and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan on the telephone.
"So, how's it going down there in hell?" God says.
"Hey, things are going great. We've got air-conditioning and flush toilets and escalators. There's no telling what our engineer is going to come up with next!" Satan says.
"What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake — he should have never gotten down there. Send him back immediately!" God says.
"No way! I like having an engineer on the staff — I'm keeping him!" Satan says.
"Send him back up here or I'll sue!" God says.
Satan laughs uproariously and answers:
"Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"
A guy said to God, "God, is it true that to you a billion years is like a second?"
God said yes.
The guy said, "God, is it true that to you a billion dollars is like a penny?"
God said yes.
The guy said, "God, can I have a penny?"
God said, "Sure, just a second."
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