Suddenly, a pen came flying across to room, practically hitting the teacher in the face.
"Who threw that?!" the teacher shouted, angrily.
"Me!" piped up a voice from the back of the classroom. "Can I leave now?"
Thứ Ba, 20 tháng 4, 2021
George and Jim were born in the same hospital on the same day
They lived on the same street and they became the closest of friends, brought together by their shared love of football.
Before they were old enough to go to school they'd play football together in the street. When they were at school they played in the school team together. When they left school they played in the same amateur league together.
They were both season ticket holders for the same team and they had seats beside each other.
As they got older they found it hard to get to the games so they'd watch the football on the TV together.
Eventually Jim became unwell and it became apparent he wasn't going to get better. George asked Jim if there was a way after he died to tell him if there is football in heaven and Jim agrees to do so.
A short while later Jim passing away. A few days later George is sleeping when he hears Jim calling his name.
Jim: I'm here to tell you about the football in heaven, there's good news and bad news.
George: What's the good news?
Jim: There's football in heaven, everyone is young again so we can play without getting tired, we are better players than we were on earth, and the team play together really well.
George: What's the bad news?
Jim: Your name is on Saturday's team sheet
Edit: Thank you for the award! It is very much appreciated
me: I'm going to build a time machine
her [eating the last donut]: what you gonna use it for?
me [eating the last donut]: righting wrongs
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet.
The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.
Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice.
"I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away.
Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man.
"What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, what?"
The man replied, "I work for the IRS."
Thứ Hai, 19 tháng 4, 2021
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