When a woman says she'll be ready in 15 minutes she will be.

No need to keep reminding her every hour.

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I'm half Irish and half jewish...

I'm drinking if you're buying!

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At the parole hearing, the officer asked, "Tell me, why should you be released early?" The inmate responded, "It’s bec..."

Officer: Yes? Inmate: I think I have.. Officer: Go on. Inmate: Can I Please finish my sentence? Officer: Sure. Parole denied.

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The third-grade teacher calls on Little Ernie and says, "Can you use the word `beautiful' twice in the same sentence?"

"Oh, sure," replies Ernie. "Um... Yesterday, my sister came home, told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, "Beautiful, fucking beautiful!"

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200 IQ baby

Father: “Say Daddy”

Baby: “Mommy”

Father: “No, say Daddy”

Baby: “Mommy”

Father: “Fuck you! Say Daddy!”

Baby: “Fuck you”

Mother arrives home

Mother: Honey, I’m back! How’s the baby?

Baby: “Fuck you”

Mother: “What?! Who taught you that awful word?”

Baby: “Daddy”

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Corona must have hit India hard...

I´ve not recieved a single phone call this week from Microsoft to warn me about a virus on my computer.

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I went to the shooting range for the first time and couldn’t get my gun to fire.

Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.

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