Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject

Now when you mention Botox, nobody raises an eyebrow.

Read More

The Mandalorian fell on hard times and had to take a job in a body building and health food shop. Turns out he was unexpectedly great at it and smashed the commission targets. He'd just direct people to the protein powder section, and say...

..."This is the whey"

​

(Sorry)

Read More

Mother and son

Mother: Who do you like more, me or your dad.

Liam: I like you both.

Mother: Ok, if I go to america and your dad goes to paris, where will you go

Liam: I will go to paris.

Mother: That’s means you like dad more

Liam: No, its because i like paris

Mother: Ok, fine, if I go to paris and your dad goes to america, where will you go.

Liam: I will go to America. Mother: Why

Liam: Because I have already gone to paris.

Read More

I bought a very expensive limousine but couldn't afford to hire a driver.

Spent all my money and had nothing to chauffeur it.

Read More

My wife calls me a sex machine.

I mean her actual words are fucking tool but I know what shes trying to say.

Read More

My plan for tomorrow is to get some new glasses

After that I guess I’ll just see what happens

Read More

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"

Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Six." Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven!" Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!" Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

Read More