She said "let’s take this upstairs".
“Ok” I said “ You grab one end and I’ll grab the other”
Chủ Nhật, 2 tháng 5, 2021
There is nothing worse than a doctors receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of patients
I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this guy handled it.
A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.
The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'
'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. '
'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.
The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'
The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'
'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'
'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.
As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter.
I slid my finger back out, and within seconds, she was going down on me.
I thought to myself, "I really need a new fucking boat."
Thứ Bảy, 1 tháng 5, 2021
A man dies and is waiting to be transported to heaven
He asks Death about what happens next. Death replies "YOU WERE A GOOD MAN ON EARTH , YOU WILL GO TO HEAVEN , WHERE YOU WILL ENJOY ETERNAL YOUTH , YOU CAN DO BASICALLY ANYTHING YOU WANT , ANYTHING YOUR HEART DESIRES ". The man thinks to himself, "that's wonderful", and settles down for the journey.
Death announces that he has to go and speak to St Peter and do the paperwork, so the man is left alone for a while in Death's office.
He thinks to himself about what he wants to do when he gets there, he could eat all of the delicious foods he never got to try on earth, he could drive the best sports cars he could imagine, he could even be a care-free child again.
He lingers on that final thought for a moment, it's so appealing to him to be able to run around, play, be silly, with nobody judging him. He gets excited, and stands up.
Death walks back into the office, just in time to see the man bouncing on the sofa. He asks "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" to which the man replies "I'm having the time of my life, or should I say time of my death?" Just as he finishes speaking, the sofa tears open, and the man falls all the way through. Death is furious and screams "DO YOU KNOW HOW EXPENSIVE THAT WAS!? I HAVE TO GO ALL THE WAY BACK TO EARTH NOW TO GET A NEW ONE". The man sheepishly apologises.
Death asks the man to stand up, and they begin their journey to the afterlife. As they arrive, Death says to the man "GO INSIDE, THEY WILL TELL YOU WHAT TO DO FROM HERE". He obliges.
As he walks in, Satan says to the man "Welcome to Hell"
"Hell!?" the man splutters. "But I was told I was going to heaven, there must have been some kind of mistake!“
"Unfortunately that is not the case. You see, in life, you were a good man, however in death, you have behaved recklessly and with no consideration for the reaper cushions."
A man in rags parks a 40-year-old pickup truck next to a printing store and walks up to the counter.
He says:
- I need 20 pictures of Kim Kardashian. I'll pay later.
The store clerk agrees and makes the prints. The truck guy drives away with them. Some time later, he comes back in decent clothes and a 20-year-old truck, pays for the 20 pictures and says:
- I need 50 pictures of Kim Kardashian.
He gets them, and drives away with them. Soon, he comes back in a brand-new truck and new clothes and says:
- I need 100 pictures of Kim Kardashian.
He gets them and takes them away. Soon, he comes back in a huge customized truck and designer clothes and says:
- I need 200 pictures of Kim Kardashian.
The store clerk asks him:
- What's the deal with these pictures? How come you were recently poor, but now you're driving a truck worth more than my house?
The man replies:
- I opened a shooting range.
A wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says," How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"
"She's in the Ladies Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Daves wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave.
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