Cause I put on the wrong sock this morning.
Thứ Hai, 3 tháng 5, 2021
Three babies in the womb discuss what they would like to be when they grow up.
Three babies in the womb discuss what they would like to be when they grow up. The first one says, “I wanna be a plumber, so I can fix the pipes in here.” The second one says, “I wanna be an electrician, so I can get some lights in here.” The third one says, “I wanna be a boxer.” The others look confused and ask, “Why do you want to be a boxer?” He proudly replies, “So I can beat the hell out of that rude bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us.”
A deer enters a bar...
A deer enters a bar and sits by the bartender. "Whatever's on tap, and keep them coming. I lost a patient today."
The bartender brings over a drink and says, "That's really rough. But I've never met a deer that's a medical practitioner. How did that happen?"
The deer replied, "Well I came from a impoverished part of the forest. It was difficult to get food, difficult to get water, and difficult to find shelter. Nothing came with ease, that's for sure."
"And a deer with no ease becomes a dr."
One day a man and woman were in their bedroom making love.
All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the lady parted her legs, the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming, "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!" The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit." The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said "Okay, what I'm going to do is rub some honey over the tip of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my penis, I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina. The husband nodded and gave his approval. The lady said, "Yes, whatever, just get on with it." So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, entered the woman. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should try further." The lady began to quiver with excitement, moaning aloud. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself. The husband became very annoyed and shouted, "Now wait a minute! What the hell do you think you're doing?" The doctor, still concentrating, replied, "Change of plan. I'm gonna drown the bastard!"
Rabbi fill in
A Catholic priest is called away by a family emergency one day, while on duty attending confession. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he asks his friend, a rabbi from the synagogue across the street, if he can fill in for him. The rabbi says he wouldn't know what to do, so the priest agrees to stay with him for a few minutes and show him the ropes. They enter their half of the confessional together and soon enough, a woman enters and says, "Father forgive me, for I have sinned." "What did you do?" asks the priest. "I have committed adultery," she replies. "How many times?" continues the priest. "Three times." "Do three Hail Marys, put $5 in the poor-box, and sin no more," finishes the priest. The woman leaves and not long after a man enters and says, "Father forgive me, for I have sinned." "What did you do?" "I have committed adultery." "How many times?" "Three times." "Do three Hail Marys, put $5 in the poor-box, and sin no more." The man leaves. The rabbi tells the priest he thinks he's got it figured out now, so the priest leaves, and the rabbi waits until another woman enters the confessional, who says, "Father forgive me, for I have sinned." "What did you do," asks the rabbi. "I have committed adultery," she replies. "How many times?" "Twice." "I tell you what," says the rabbi. "Go do it one more time and come back. We got a special this week, three for $5!"
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