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Thứ Ba, 4 tháng 5, 2021

My Mother lived to be 98 years old, and SHE never needed glasses..

She preferred to drink straight from the bottle.

A man decided to join a monastery where you were only allowed to say two words every 10 years

[LONG]

After 10 years in the monastery the head monk summons’ him and says ‘You’ve been with us for 10 years. What two words would you like to say.’

The monk replies ‘I’m hungry’, so the head monk organises for an extra ration be given to him each day.

After 20 years the head monk calls him in again and asks ‘What two words would you like to say?’

The monk replies with ‘Too cold’, so the head monk organises for him to get another blanket.

After 30 years the head monk calls him in and says ‘What two words would you like to say’.

The monk replies with ‘Wanna leave’.

The head monk says ‘I’m not surprised. You’ve done nothing but complain since you’ve been here’.

During interviews he seems like such a nice guy, but the actor who plays Wolverine is a real phoney

It’s a huge act, man..

Now that Bill and Melinda Gates are getting divorced

She will be his Xbox

My Grandfather always said, "As one door closes, another one opens."

Lovely man, terrible cabinet maker.

Prayer is like masturbation

It feels good to you, but does nothing for the person you're thinking about.

Yo mamma so ugly...

The whole world faked a virus just to get a mask on her face.