Me: Can we change the subject?
My wife: Okay. More chores around the house need to be done by you.
Thứ Năm, 6 tháng 5, 2021
A sales guy rings the doorbell on a house, and the door is opened by a 12 year old, holding a glass of cognac and smoking a cigar
The sales guy is a bit stunned, but plows forward and asks, "Is your dad home?"
The kid replies, "What the fuck do you think?"
After the safety talk in the airplane the pilot forgets to turn off the microphone... He turns to his copilot and says: "I'm gonna take a dump and then I'm gonna fuck that smoking hot stewardess."
When the stewardess realizes what's going on she starts to sprint to the front to warn the pilot that his mic is still on but trips and falls. A passenger turns to her and says: "Calm down, he's taking a dump first."
A Nazi walks into a bar....
A Nazi walks into a bar, looks around, and notices an older orthodox Jewish man seated at a nearby table. Barman, he says, "A round on me, for all your patrons, but not for the old Jewish geezer right there."
As everyone in the bar receives their drinks, he looks directly at the Jew with a nasty little smile. Surprisingly the Jew nods his head and sends a warm smile back. The Nazi is somewhat miffed, as this was not the reaction he expected. So he goes back to the bar
"Barman, a second round for everyone but him, and this time take it all from the top shelf" Nazi looks again at the Jew, and notices that he is STILL smiling back, and even warmer than before
"Is that Jew a complete fool or what?" he asks the barman Bartender responds: "Oh no my generous friend, that gentleman is my boss and the owner of the bar"
Thứ Tư, 5 tháng 5, 2021
Two kids in a trench coat walk into a bar
Two kids in a trench coat walk into a bar trying to get served and the bartender doesnt notice and serves them a beer.
The bartender then makes his way to the other end of the bar where two regulars are having a heated debate. One regular says "my dick is so big my wife calls it 'knowledge' cause knowledge is power" and the other responds "oh yeah, well my dick is so big my wife calls it 'the machine' cause it just won't stop"
And the bartender says "that's nothing, that weird guy who just walked in keeps giving his dick sips of his beer and calls it 'kevin' "
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