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Chủ Nhật, 9 tháng 5, 2021

Is it okay to compare a man getting “the snip” with a woman getting her tubes tied?

After all, there isn’t a vas deferens between the two ovum

I joined the navy and shipped out on an aircraft carrier.

It was like living in a skyscraper without the rest of the city, i didn't see the sun for a month working belowdecks and when we made port, instead of getting shore leave i was reassigned to a destroyer leaving port that same day.

What a relief it was, standing watch on deck under the open sky close enough to the water to feel it spray my face, but in a month we made port instead of getting shore leave i was reassigned to a troop transport leaving port that same day.

I was sent to work in the galley, peeled a million potatoes, won and lost a fortune playing dice, but in just a week we made port and instead of getting shore leave i get my orders to join the crew a battlship.

I was made a gunners mate and we drilled night and day. Constant deafening booms as worked to shave fractions of a second off our reload times. It was two months until we saw port and instead of getting leave i was sent to a minesweeper leaving port that same day.

6 weeks we worked to clear a harbor knowing one mistake would be our last. My nerves were frazzled when we finally came into the docks but instead of getting shoreleave i was transferred to a submarine leaving port that same day.

The captain greeted me personally and asked if i had ever served on a sub before. I told him No, but it was the 5th ship i had served on in as many months. He told me not to worry, that was normal.

"WE GET A LOT OF REPOSTS ON THIS SUB"

I always take 40 or 50 lighters with me in a bag...

Not because I'll need them, but you can always use a lighter bag when hiking.

And I make sure it's not an odd number so that way it's even lighter.

My dad said he was going to set me up for life. Of course, I was excited by the idea.

Until he blamed me for the murder he committed.

I was rejected from my dream art school because I used the wrong pencil.

It wasn’t 2B.

What do you call a communist sniper?

A marxman.

Warning to all men about eBay.

Be careful what you buy on eBay.

If you buy stuff on line, be sure to

check out the seller carefully.

I just spent £95 + postage,

on a penis enlarger.

Bastards sent me a magnifying glass.

The only instructions said, "Do not use in sunlight."