FunnyStory about animals and all around the world
Funny Video about animals and all around the world! :)
Funny picture about animals and all around the world :)
Play game and comfortable :)
Go to Blogger edit html and find these sentences.Now replace these sentences with your own descriptions.
But she didn't know where the heart is.
So she decided to go to the doctor and ask where her heart is located. Despite being weirded out by the fact that an elderly woman doesn't know where her heart is, he obliged and answered her question:
"About three fingers below the left breast."
Having noted the doctor's approximate direction, the old woman returned home and promptly shot herself in the knee.
I visited a local news website this morning and saw a picture of a good friend of mine on the front page with a title above saying, "A 34-year-old mechanic arrested for dealing drugs". I really thought I knew the guy, but I guess I was wrong. I mean, I've been a loyal customer of his for almost 7 years, and I had no idea that he was a mechanic!
The Bartender hands him the beer and says,
"You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it is really phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so small?"
The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times.
"One day", he begins, "I was hunting when I got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help and finally realized that it was coming from a frog sitting next to the stream. So i picked up the frog and it said,
So I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman. She said -
I looked at my scrawny 60kg body and said,
'I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger'.
She nodded, wishpered a spell, and POOF! There I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked! She asked,
'What will be your second wish?'
I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied,
She nodded, laid down and beckoned me. We then made love for hours! Later, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear,
I looked at her and replied,
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other dry, and then
throws the milk away
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your dodgy lawyer at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns ten cows, with an option on one more.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.
A SPANISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoirs, cheese units and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, dump 5 tons of cowshit on the steps of the National Assembly because it’s a national pastime.
A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks.
You eat both of them.
The banks call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF
The IMF loans you two cows. You eat both of them.
The banks and the IMF call to collect their cows/milk.
You are out getting a haircut.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CANADIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are sorry.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go to the Pub for a few beers to celebrate.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the fuck out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude.
In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.
"Who is it?", calls out one of the nuns.
"Blind man," replies a male voice from the other side of the door.
The two nuns look at each other, shrug, and deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.
"Nice tits, sister," says the man, "Where do you want these blinds?"