What the difference between Pizza and Musician?

A pizza can feed a family of 4.

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My wife asked me which of her friends I want to have a threesome with.

Apparently, I wasn’t supposed to pick two of them.

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I got caught masturbating to an optical illusion

I said "it's not what it looks like"

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Kim Jong-Un walks into a school in North Korea.

He asks a student "Who is your father?

The student replies "The Supreme Leader, infinite in wisdom and kindness, provider and protector of the Koreans, he is our only father."

Kim Jong beams. "Excellent. Now tell me who is your mother?"

The student doesn't hesitate. "The Land of True Korea, outstanding in her beauty, international superpower, and redeemer of all civilisations, she is our only mother."

Kim Jong applauses. "What a diligent student you are. What do you want to be when you're older?"

The student replies "An orphan."

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what happens when you slap Dwayne johnson in the butt?

You hit rock bottom.

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What do you call a wolf that is woke?

Awarewolf

(credit goes to my GF, who's apparently practicing her dad humor. sigh please, don't wreck my karma)

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Smoking will kill you.

Bacon will kill you too.

But smoking bacon will cure it.

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