That i haven't got a scam call in ages
Thứ Ba, 18 tháng 5, 2021
To Boldly Go...
“My friend had a disastrous date last night... apparently the guy was into giving golden showers. He was a big actor, too, one of the Star Trek guys.”
“Shatner??”
“No, I think she left before he could get to that.”
A frustrated wife goes to the doctor (long)
"Doctor, you have to help me. I've been married 30 years to my husband and I feel he's lost all interest in me. You know, phisically speaking. He barely looks at me, let alone have sex with me. Oh, I really miss the good old times where we had wonderful sex multiple times a week, there must be something you can do to help me..."
"Well, it's not very ethical, but there's this experimental drug we need to test" the doctor takes a vial from a drawer "this is a very potent aphrodisiac. Just one drop in a glass of water is enough to awaken the libido of a dying man. When you feel it's a special night and you want to have sex with your husband, try and pour one drop in his glass, and I can guarantee that you will see a new life in him"
"Oh thank you doctor, thank you so much. Tomorrow it's our anniversary, what better night to try it out?"
Two days pass. The morning after the fated night, the woman goes back to the doctor. She appears disheveled, barely being able to walk.
"Wh-what happened?" Asks the doctor, visibly worried
"Oh, doctor, I feel so sad... Yesterday, while we were having dinner, I waited for him to go to the toilet and, as you suggested, I hastily poured one drop of the drug in his water glass. But then I thought: what if this is not enough? It's been a LONG time since he's shown any passion towards me. So I poured another drop."
"Wait, two drops?? But it's dangerous, we don't know what can happen if more than one drop is used!"
"But then I felt so insecure, what if he doesn't like my body anymore? Is two drops really enough? I panicked, and I emptied the whole vial in the glass of water."
"......"
"He came back from the toilet, sat down and took a good sip from the glass. He froze, eyes wide. The glass fell from his hand. He stared at me like a predator stares at its prey. Then it happened. He violently threw away everything that was on the table, snorting and roaring. Grabbed me, slammed me on the bare table, tore my clothes as well as his and proceeded to have his way with me, making animal sounds I had never heard him make."
"I'm so sorry for you, it must have been terrible"
"Oh no, doctor. It was the best sex I've ever had in 30 years of marriage. I orgasmed multiple times in a matter of minutes, I saw a rough, untamed side of my husband that I thought didn't exist."
"Wait, you enjoyed it? Then why did you say you were sad?"
"Well, it was our favourite restaurant, I doubt we'll be able to show our faces again there..."
Thứ Hai, 17 tháng 5, 2021
Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
Doctor : Let me tell you a story: "There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!
Guy : Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion..
Doctor : Good! You understood the story. Next patient please..
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