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Thứ Năm, 20 tháng 5, 2021

My girlfriend dared me to take schizophrenia meds.

Now she's gone missing.

Beer doesn’t make you fat

It makes you lean; against walls, doors, toilets, etc.

The world leading expert on wasps is walking down the street when he passes a record store.

In the window he sees a record called "wasps of the world, and the sounds they make". Intrigued, he walks into the store. He says to the shopkeeper "I'll have that wasp record in the window please. You know I'm the world leading expert in wasps, there are thousands of different species of wasp, and I can identify any one of them just by listening to the sound it makes!"

He smiles smugly as the shopkeeper fanes interest. The wasp expert pays and leaves. When he gets home he puts the record on.

"Bbzzzzzzzzz" it goes, but the man is stumped, he doesn't know what type of wasp this is! He waits for the next track.

"Bbbbzzzzzzzzzzzz" and again, he can't identify which species of wasp this is!

It gets to the fifth track and he breaks down in tears. He can't identify a single wasp yet he thought he was the world's leading expert! He calls his old professor round to the house to help, when he arrives he explains to him,

"I thought I was the best in the wasp business, but I can't identify a single wasp on this whole record!" He says, still in tears.

The old professor ponders for a minute as he looks at the record.

"Ah, I know what the problem is"

Says the professor.

"What? what is it?!"

-"you've got it on the B-side"

Boss: This is the third time you've been late for work this week. Do you know what that means?

Me: That it's only Wednesday

A man gets a flat tire outside the fence of an insane asylum.

While he's changing the tire he sees a patient on the other side of the fence observing him so he hurries. He gets the flat off and puts the spare on, but since he was rushing to get out of there, he accidentally drops all 4 lug nuts down a drain. While he's standing there staring at the spare with no lugs to secure it, scratching his head, he hears the patient on the other side of the fence say, "Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!" He calmly replies, "Yes?" The patient inquires, "Whatcha doin?" He explains his predicament and the patient asks, "Why don't you just take one lug nut off the other 3 wheels and put them on the spare to get you where you're going?" The man, surprised, says, "That is a really good idea. Why they got you locked up in there? You're really smart." The patient replies, "I'm crazy, not stupid."

How easy is it to get Reddit karma?

It’s a piece of cake

What is a Karen called in Europe

An American