and i still got thrown off the bus
Thứ Năm, 20 tháng 5, 2021
A wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if hes been to this club before.
"Oh no," says Dave. "Hes on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if hed like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"
"Shes in the Ladies Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Daves wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave.
The world leading expert on wasps is walking down the street when he passes a record store.
In the window he sees a record called "wasps of the world, and the sounds they make". Intrigued, he walks into the store. He says to the shopkeeper "I'll have that wasp record in the window please. You know I'm the world leading expert in wasps, there are thousands of different species of wasp, and I can identify any one of them just by listening to the sound it makes!"
He smiles smugly as the shopkeeper fanes interest. The wasp expert pays and leaves. When he gets home he puts the record on.
"Bbzzzzzzzzz" it goes, but the man is stumped, he doesn't know what type of wasp this is! He waits for the next track.
"Bbbbzzzzzzzzzzzz" and again, he can't identify which species of wasp this is!
It gets to the fifth track and he breaks down in tears. He can't identify a single wasp yet he thought he was the world's leading expert! He calls his old professor round to the house to help, when he arrives he explains to him,
"I thought I was the best in the wasp business, but I can't identify a single wasp on this whole record!" He says, still in tears.
The old professor ponders for a minute as he looks at the record.
"Ah, I know what the problem is"
Says the professor.
"What? what is it?!"
-"you've got it on the B-side"
A man gets a flat tire outside the fence of an insane asylum.
While he's changing the tire he sees a patient on the other side of the fence observing him so he hurries. He gets the flat off and puts the spare on, but since he was rushing to get out of there, he accidentally drops all 4 lug nuts down a drain. While he's standing there staring at the spare with no lugs to secure it, scratching his head, he hears the patient on the other side of the fence say, "Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!" He calmly replies, "Yes?" The patient inquires, "Whatcha doin?" He explains his predicament and the patient asks, "Why don't you just take one lug nut off the other 3 wheels and put them on the spare to get you where you're going?" The man, surprised, says, "That is a really good idea. Why they got you locked up in there? You're really smart." The patient replies, "I'm crazy, not stupid."
Đăng ký:
Nhận xét (Atom)