But it's a job I can see myself doing
Thứ Bảy, 22 tháng 5, 2021
A woman has a failing marriage, and she feels bad about it.
Her husband won't listen to her or acknowledge her, or anything. All he does is sit on the couch watching football and waiting for meals. The woman decides to go to the pet store to find a pet.
At the store, she sees all sorts of animals, such as fish, dogs, cats, parrots, and even a horse. She's intrigued by all of them and then sees a bird as big as a bald eagle, but that looks like a parrot with all its colors. She asks the store clerk what the bird is, and the clerk replies,
"Oh, it's a goony bird! We just got it from Siberia! It's tame really, go on and pet it!" So the woman did, and the goony bird affectionately rubbed its beak against the back of her hand.
"That's not all it can do!" continued the clerk. "These birds, aside from being loyal to their owners, are also used as protection birds! And so the clerk said,
"Goony bird! The shelf!" And the goony bird extended its large wings to their full span and flew over to the shelf across the room. It then proceeded to destroy and demolish the shelf. Once all that remained of the shelf was a pile of kindling, it went back to its shelf.
The clerk continued, "Goony bird! The birdcage!" And so the goony bird destroyed the metal birdcage.
The woman bought the goony bird instantly. She went back home to find her husband, no surprise, sitting on the couch, watching the big game.
"You're back," he grumbles, barely looking up. "Have you got any salsa and chips for me? The cabinet's out of it."
The woman smiles. "Honey, you won't believe what I got from the store! It's a goony bird, from Siberia!"
The husband snorted with his usual put-down tone. "Goony bird, my ass!"
Thứ Sáu, 21 tháng 5, 2021
How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?
How many redittors does it take to change a lightbulb?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
17 purists who use candles and are offended by light bulb discussions.
6 to argue over whether it's 'lightbulb' or 'light bulb.'
Another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid.
22 to tell THOSE 6 to stop being jerks.
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is 'lamp.'
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that 'light bulb' is perfectly correct.
49 to post memes and gifs (several are of Michael Jackson eating popcorn).
19 to post that this page is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a light bulb page.
11 to defend the posting to this page saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant here.
24 to discuss the merits of LED/swirly fluorescent light bulbs.
44 to claim LED and fluorescent bulbs will kill you.
12 to post F.
8 to ask what F means.
36 People to post pics of their own light bulbs.
15 People to post "I can't see S$%!" and use their own light bulbs.
6 to report the post or PM an admin because someone said "f÷×$"
4 to say "Didn't we go through this already a short time ago?".
13 to say "Do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs."
1 to bring politics into the discussion by adding that (insert politician of choice) isn't the brightest bulb. This usually takes place within the first three comments.
50 more to get into personal attacks over their political views.
5 admins to ban the light bulb posters who took it all too seriously.
1 late arrival to comment on the original post 6 months later and start it all over again.
A poor man meets a rich man around Christmas......
The poor man asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The poor man asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The poor man nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The poor man thinks about it for a second and replies, "A pair of slippers and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The poor man astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the slippers she can go f*ck herself."
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