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Thứ Tư, 26 tháng 5, 2021

A man with 12 kids was trying to rent a house. However, no landowner would allow him to rent their house due to the number of children he had. Frustrated, the man told his wife to visit her father's tombstone and bring all but their youngest child with her.

He then visited a property and told the landowner that he would like to rent the place.

"Is this your only child?" asked the landowner.

"No, I have 12 children" replied the man.

"Then where are the other 11 kids?"

"In the cemetery with my wife," he calmly replied.

Have you heard of that disease that you get from kissing birds?

It"s called Chirpes.

It's one of those canarial diseases.

I hear it's untweetable.

We should have a TV show where illegal immigrants hunt down sex offenders for a chance at citizenship

We can call it "Alien vs Predator"

So I asked a bunch of guys today if they would go gay for a billion dollars.

And I didn't get any straight answers.

One for you, one for me

On the outskirts of a small Panhandle town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out  of sight, and began dividing the nuts.  “One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,”  said one boy. Several of the nuts dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

As they were dividing the nuts, another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery.  He slowed down to investigate.  Sure enough, he heard, “One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me.”  In an instant he just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and raced to find someone to tell about what he had heard..

Just around the bend he met an old man with a  cane, hobbling along.  “Come here quick,” said the boy, “you won’t  believe what I heard! The devil and God are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!”   The man said, “Beat it kid, can’t you see it’s hard for me to walk.”  When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard, “One for you, one for  me. One for you, One for me.”  The old man whispered, “Boy, you’ve been telling me the truth. Let’s see if we can see God.”  Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of God.  At last they heard, “One for you, one for me. That’s all… Now let’s go get those nuts by the fence and we’ll be done!”

They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid finally passed him on his bike.

I was going to cook alligator for dinner

But then I realized I only have a croc pot