Satan arrives to welcome a new damned soul to hell.

"Congratulations!", he says, "You wasted your entire pitiful life!" "Well," the man replies, "at least I'm not a adult living in my father's basement."...

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Racial Humor

An Irish man is sitting at a bar, then a Chinese man sits down next to him. The Chinese takes a drink, the the Irish man says to him, "do you know Kung fu?". The Chinese man says, "why because I'm Chinese? That's just racist!". The Irish man says, "No, I ask because you're drinking my beer"....

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The maid asked for a raise

[Long] The maid asked for a raise. The woman asked her why. Maid : "For three reasons. Number 1, I iron clothes better than you." Woman : "Who said that?" Maid : "Your husband said that" Woman : "Oh" Maid : "Secondly, I cook better than you" Woman : " Who said that?" Maid : "Your husband" Woman : "Oh" Maid : "And the third reason is that I am better at sex than you" Woman : "Did my husband said that too?" Maid : "No, the gardener did."...

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I asked my wife, “How do you spell invulnerable?”

She said, “I-N-V-U..” I said, “Everyone does, because I’m awesome!”...

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My wife was really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction

So I packed up my stuff and right...

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Dave was getting robbed in the desert

He gave the robber his money and asked the robber to shoot a few bullets in his hat to make it believable to his wife that he was robbed. He then asked, "Shoot a few bullets in the coat while you're at it, I want to look like I fought you and not look like a coward". After the robber shot the coat, he said, "shoot a few holes-". "Please, no more holes, I'm out of bullets". "That's what I wanted to hear. now give me back the wallet and some more money for the hat and coat you destroyed before I beat you black and blue"....

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A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey...

A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. The barkeep says "That'll be 2 pence" "2 pence!?" said the man. "That's cheap! Do you sell food?" "Yep" , said the barkeep "Alright, I'll have a steak and chips" replied the man "Sure" said the barkeep, "That's also 2 pence" "Goodness me!" said the man. "How can you charge so little?" ... "Are you the owner?" "Nope, but I'm a friend of the owner" replied the barkeep. "Well where's the owner?" asked the man "Oh, he's upstairs with my wife!" replied the barkeep "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"...

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