Satan arrives to welcome a new damned soul to hell.

"Congratulations!", he says, "You wasted your entire pitiful life!"

"Well," the man replies, "at least I'm not a adult living in my father's basement."

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Racial Humor

An Irish man is sitting at a bar, then a Chinese man sits down next to him. The Chinese takes a drink, the the Irish man says to him, "do you know Kung fu?". The Chinese man says, "why because I'm Chinese? That's just racist!". The Irish man says, "No, I ask because you're drinking my beer".

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The maid asked for a raise

[Long]

The maid asked for a raise. The woman asked her why.

Maid : "For three reasons. Number 1, I iron clothes better than you."

Woman : "Who said that?"

Maid : "Your husband said that"

Woman : "Oh"

Maid : "Secondly, I cook better than you"

Woman : " Who said that?"

Maid : "Your husband"

Woman : "Oh"

Maid : "And the third reason is that I am better at sex than you"

Woman : "Did my husband said that too?"

Maid : "No, the gardener did."

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I asked my wife, “How do you spell invulnerable?”

She said, “I-N-V-U..”

I said, “Everyone does, because I’m awesome!”

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My wife was really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction

So I packed up my stuff and right

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Dave was getting robbed in the desert

He gave the robber his money and asked the robber to shoot a few bullets in his hat to make it believable to his wife that he was robbed.

He then asked, "Shoot a few bullets in the coat while you're at it, I want to look like I fought you and not look like a coward".

After the robber shot the coat, he said, "shoot a few holes-".

"Please, no more holes, I'm out of bullets".

"That's what I wanted to hear. now give me back the wallet and some more money for the hat and coat you destroyed before I beat you black and blue".

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A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey...

A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey.

The barkeep says "That'll be 2 pence"

"2 pence!?" said the man. "That's cheap! Do you sell food?"

"Yep" , said the barkeep

"Alright, I'll have a steak and chips" replied the man

"Sure" said the barkeep, "That's also 2 pence"

"Goodness me!" said the man. "How can you charge so little?" ... "Are you the owner?"

"Nope, but I'm a friend of the owner" replied the barkeep.

"Well where's the owner?" asked the man

"Oh, he's upstairs with my wife!" replied the barkeep

"What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" asked the man

"The same thing I'm doing to his business" replied the barkeep.

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