Erectile Dysfunction

On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife.

The certificate was for a consultation with an traditional healer, who was well known to have a very good naturopathic cure for erectile dysfunction!

As he despised western medicine, believing the conspiracy theory that they only represent the interests of big pharma, he consulted with the traditional healer.

The healer gave him a potion and with a strong grip on his shoulder warned,

This is a powerful medicine.

You take only a teaspoonful, and then say ’1-2-3.’

When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want."

The man thanked the healer and as he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"

"Your partner must say ’1-2-3-4,’ he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

He was very eager to see if it worked, so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.

When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!" Immediately, he was fully erect!

His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.

Read More

If you spell gender backwards...

...you might be a redneg.

Read More

A child crashes his bike in front of a church

The priest see's this and bring the boy inside to treat him. The boy having a concussion stays the night in the church. In the middle of the night he hears a blood curling scream. The next morning he asks the priest what the sound was and says "I am sorry my child I cannot tell you for you are not a priest".

A few years later the same child now a teenager is skate boarding by the same church. He crashes and has another concussion the same priest brings him in and has him spend the night. In the middle of the night he hears the same blood curling scream. The next morning he asks the priest what the sound was and says "I am sorry my child I cannot tell you for you are not a priest".

A few more years go by and the child now in college is driving by the same church, and he crashes his car. He again has a concussion. Again the priest brings him into the church and has him spend the night. Again in the middle of the night he hears a blood curling scream. The next morning he asks the priest what the sound was and says "I am sorry my child I cannot tell you for you are not a priest".

After this the young man is upset and needs to know what the sound is. So he quits college and goes on to become a priest.

He then returns to the church he approaches the priest and says "father I have taken my oath and I am one with the church can you please tell me what that blood curling scream is?" The priest reaches into his robes and pulls out a red key.

He tells the young man to go to basement and unlock the door. So he goes there unlocks the red door and sees a red hallway goes down it to see a red stair case and at the bottom is a blue door. So he goes back up the red stairs the red hallway to the priest and says "father there is a blue door" the priest gives him a blue key. The young man goes back down the red hallway down the red stairs to the blue door he opens it and sees a blue hallway. He goes down the blue hallway he sees blue stairs down them he sees a green door.

So he goes back up the blue stairs down the blue hallway up the red stairs down the red hallway. He tells the priest "father there is a green door. So the priest pulls out a green key. The young man goes back down the red hallway down the red stairs down the blue hallway down the blue stairs and opens the green door. He sees a gold hallway and goes down it and he sees a gold stair case and goes down it he sees a gold door. So he goes back up the gold stairs down the gold hallway up the green stairs down the green hallway up the blue stairs down the blue hallway up the red stairs down the red hallway back to the priest.

He says "father there is a gold door" the priest pulls out a gold key and hands it to the young man. Before he leaves this time he asks "father are there anymore doors after the gold one?" The priest Replies no my son once through that door you will have the answer to your question. "

So for the last time the young man goes down to the basement through the red door down the red hallway down the red stairs through the blue door down the blue hallway down the blue stairs through the green door down down the green hallway down the green stairs through the green door down the gold hallway down the gold stairs and finally to the gold door. He puts the key in turns it pushes the door open and know what he see's.........

Sorry can't tell you you're not a priest

Read More

Our computers went down at work today, so we had to do everything manually...

It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards for solitaire.

Read More

How did the Latino kill 50 people at the same time?

I don't know. He must have had a locomotive.

Read More

Genie: You have two wishes left

Me: I wish the letter G was the letter P instead

Penie: And your final wish?

Me: I wish that every E at the end of a word was an S instead

Penis:

Ms: Nics

Read More

Which dinosaur does the government of the People's Republic of China hate?

Taiwanasaurus

Read More