“My life is a mess,” he says. “My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a Pomeranian and I’m as jittery as a cat.”
“Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” suggests the Labrador.
“I can’t. I'm not allowed on the couch.”
Thứ Bảy, 29 tháng 5, 2021
A politician visited a village in Haiti after a devastating hurricane.
Upon arrival, he asked what their needs were.
”We have 2 basic needs sir,” replied the villager.
“Firstly, we have a hospital, but there’s no doctor.”
On hearing this, the politician whipped out his cellphone, and after speaking for a while he reassured the village leader that the doctor would be there the next day. He then asked about the second problem.
“Secondly sir, there is no cellphone coverage anywhere in the village.”
A family of moles
A family of moles awakens from hibernation. The father mole pokes his head out of the hole and says "I smell tulips it must be spring". The mother mole pokes her head out of the hole and says " I smell cherry blossoms it must be spring". The baby mole is trying to squeeze between his parents but gets stuck and says "all I smell is molasses"
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The penguin and the mechanic
A penguin is driving a rental car through Arizona when, suddenly, the air conditioner stops working. The penguin, frantic with the heat, swerves into the first car repair shop he sees.
Penguin jumps out yelling, "Quick, quick! Drop everything and fix my air conditioner. I'm literally dying from this heat! Really, it's an emergency!"
The mechanic says, "Calm down, now. I can fix your car in about a half hour, and you should just go across the street to wait in the ice cream shop. It's cool in there, and they sell soft-serve ice cream."
The penguin is thrilled, jumping up and down, and yells, "Yay!! Soft serve is my favorite!", and he scampers across the street waving his stubby wings.
Exactly a half hour later the penguin rushes out of the ice cream shop with vanilla ice cream all over his face, and runs into the repair shop, yelling, "Did you fix it!? Did you fix it!?"
The mechanic says, "Yeah, no problem. It looks like you just blew a seal."
The penguin frantically wipes his mouth and yells,
"NUH-UH! That's just ice cream!!"
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