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Thứ Tư, 2 tháng 6, 2021

A Comedian in Russia.

I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin. The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.

My sister asked for me to bring her something hard to write on

I don't know why she became so mad. It's pretty fucking hard to write on sand.

[NSFW] A nurse was dating a Doctor and got pregnant...

The married doctor begged her to keep it a secret and asked her to keep away from public eye.

Nine months later,she came to the hospital for delivery.

At the same moment, a priest was admitted for having a large cyst in his prostate gland .

The doctor had an idea. He sedates the priest under anaesthesia and removes the cyst .

When the priest wakes up, the doctor greets him with the baby and tells that it was a miracle that they found a baby in his prostrate.

The priest being a god fearing man didn't question it and took the baby home.

15 years later,after the baby had grown into a young boy, the priest decided to have a chat with him.

"Tell me , father" asked the boy.

"Look,son. I'm your mother " said the priest " the archbishop is your father".

It’s Friday night and a young woman gets chatting with a handsome army sergeant in a bar.

After a couple of drinks she asks: “So when was the last time you slept with a real woman then?”

A little taken aback, the sergeant replies “Let’s see...that would have been about 2015”.

With that, the woman takes him home for a thoroughly enjoyable evening. Afterwards she exclaims: “Well sergeant...for somebody who hasn’t had sex since 2015 you certainly haven’t forgotten anything!”.

The man looks at his watch and says: “I should hope not, it’s only 2230!”

When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits.

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life. In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability. When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement. When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition. When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned. I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big tits.

I’ve started to invest in stocks.

Beef, chicken, and vegetable.

One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.

What do the French call marijuana?

Oui'd.