FunnyStory about animals and all around the world
Funny Video about animals and all around the world! :)
Funny picture about animals and all around the world :)
Play game and comfortable :)
Go to Blogger edit html and find these sentences.Now replace these sentences with your own descriptions.
A voice answers, asking what he wants.
GUY: I want to get fucked.
Voice: Sure, slide $20 under the door.
The guy slides it under, stands and waits. After a few minutes pass and the door still hasn't opened, he knocks again...
Guy: I said, I'm here to get fucked!
Voice: What, again?
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear that word one more time, I'll quit!"
Everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen." This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age.
About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "You have to do something about the roads and sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen."
The mayor started to laugh, realising that no one had told the new priest about the code word. Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, your own wife fell three times this week already, and your daughter fell twice!"
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to...." "Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really..?" the photographer asked. "Well, good..! I've made a specialty of babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start..?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out."
"Bathtub, living room floor..? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."
"Don't I know!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London."
"Oh my God..!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture.
"She was difficult ..?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep..?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, eh......equipment?"
"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."
"Tripod..??", Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.
"Oh Good God Yes..! I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on.
It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action.
Madam..? Madam..?..... Good Lord, she's fucking fainted..!
Before she died she gave me her epi-pen, I think it’s something she wanted me to remember her by
He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed; sweating and panting.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
“I think I'm having a heart attack," she cries.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone but just as he’s dialing 911, his six year old son runs up to him and says, “Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Owen's hiding in your closet and he’s got no clothes on!”
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom. He walks past his screaming wife and opens the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there's his brother; naked and cowering on the closet floor.
“Owen, what on earth are you doing? My wife’s having a heart attack and you’re running around naked scaring my son!"