If anybody gets within six feet of me, I know they must have lost their sense of smell.
Thứ Hai, 7 tháng 6, 2021
President Obama and the Queen are proceeding towards Buckingham Palace in the Queen's carriage, waving to thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well.
Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly the most horrendous earth shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire. The smell is atrocious and both passengers in the carriage must use handkerchiefs to cover their noses.
The Queen turns to her guest, Mr President, please accept my regrets... I'm sure you understand there are some things that even a Queen cannot control!
In his best Presidential style replied Obama: Your Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought... Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses.
Chủ Nhật, 6 tháng 6, 2021
If two avocado are “avocados”
then shouldn’t three avocado be “avocatres”, and four be “avoquatro”, and five be “avocinco”?
Twenty Bucks
A man’s walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows. “Twenty bucks,” she says. He’s never been with a prostitute before, but he decides what the hell.
They are going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them—it’s a policeman.
“What’s going on here, people?” asks the officer.
“I’m making love to my wife,” the man answers indignantly.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” says the cop, “I didn’t know.”
“Well,” said the man, “to tell the truth neither did I until you flashed that light on her face.”
Went for a walk with my new girlfriend
and we saw dogs mating.
She said: "How does the male know when the female is ready for sex?"
I replied: "He can smell she is ready . That's how nature works."
We then walked past a sheep field and the ram was mating the ewe.
Again my girlfriend asked: "How does the ram knew when the ewe is ready for sex?"
I replied: "It's nature. He can smell she is ready."
We then went past a cow-field and the bull was mating with the cow.
My girlfriend said: "This is odd. They are really going at it. Surely the bull can't smell when she is ready?"
I said: "Oh, yes; it's nature . All animals can smell when the female is ready for sex."
Anyway, after the walk, I dropped her home and kissed her goodbye.
She said: "Take care and get yourself checked out for Covid-19."
Surprised, "Why do you say that?" I asked her.
She replied: "You seem to have lost your sense of smell."
Mean mommy joke my mom used to tell me
“Mommy mommy I’m tired of running in circles!”
“Shut up or I’ll nail your other foot to the floor!”
A congressman was seated in first class next to a little girl on an airplane.
He turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the congressman. "How about global warming, universal health care, or stimulus packages?" as he smiled smugly. "OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming, universal health care, or the economy when you don't know crap?" Then she went back to reading her book.
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