What do you call an Engineer who doesn’t know how to use a calculator?

A project manager.

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Doctor, my bottom hurts right around the entrance.

Doctor: That’s the exit, as long as you call it the entrance it will hurt.

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Fun fact: Australia's biggest export is boomerangs.

It's also their biggest import.

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A man walks into a sperm bank

The doctor says "get a load of this guy"

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Midway through sex my girlfriend's phone started ringing.

"That can wait," I told her.

"Hmm...It might be my boss," she replied.

I tried to get her back into our sexual encounter. "I'm your boss, baby."

"Well, you don't feel like him."

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I've lost my dog since yesterday and my dad just tells me I need to look harder

So I shaved my head, got a leather jacket, a nose ring and I'm smoking a pack of fags. I still can't find this fucking dog.

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Oral sex will make your day,

but anal sex will make your hole weak.

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