Suddenly, a girl walked towards me and shouted at me: "Enjoying your meat, MURDERER??"
"Seriously Vanessa, it was 20 years ago and your dad had a knife..."
Thứ Bảy, 12 tháng 6, 2021
"Hello police? I'd like to report a murder"
"For the last time sir, a bunch of crows sitting in a tree isn't a threat to your security"
One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues,
when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right there.
"NOOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same.
Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling, "MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!!!" he exclaimed.
"You're a lawyer aren't you?" asked the policeman. "Yes, I am, but what does this have to do with my car?!?!" the lawyer asked.
"HA! You lawyers are always so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?" the cop said.
The lawyer looked down at his side and cried, "WHERE IS MY ROLEX!"
A boy starts his first day at Walmart.
His trainer says to him "I'll take care of the first 2 customers to show you how it's done and you can look after the 3rd.”
So the trainer goes to the first customer and says "Can I help you, m’am?" Lady goes "I'm looking for some garden hose.”
Trainer "Okay 10, 20 or 30 ft?"
Lady "30ft.”
He takes her to where the hoses are and says "After, can I interest you in a lawn mower?"
“Why would I need a lawn mower?"
“Well you're going to water your grass, the grass is going to grow and you're going to need to cut it. You’ll need a lawnmower for that.”
“Actually yeah, I do need a lawnmower.”
The boy is pretty impressed that his trainer was able to sell this lady a lawnmower. So the trainer goes to the second customer and says "Can I help you, sir?"
The man says "Yeah, I'm looking for some fertilizer.”
“Sure. 10, 20 or 30 pounds?"
“20"
So the trainer takes the man to where the fertilizer is and says "When you're done can I interest you in a new lawnmower?"
“Why would I need a lawnmower?"
“Well you're going to fertilize your grass, the grass is going to grow and you're going to need to cut it. You’re going to need a lawnmower.”
"Yeah, actually, I do need a lawnmower".
The boy at this point is amazed by his trainer's salesmanship.
So now it's the boys turn to help a customer. He goes up to this lady and asks "Is there something I can help you with today?"
“I'm looking for some tampons.”
"Sure, 10, 20 or 30 pack?"
“30 pack".
So the boy takes the lady to where the tampons are and says "When you're done can I interest you in a lawnmower?"
The lady looks at him confused as says "What on earth would I need a lawnmower for?"
“Well, your weekend’s fucked, might as well cut the grass.”
Thứ Sáu, 11 tháng 6, 2021
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