Call a girl fat once and she’ll always remember.
Because elephants never forget
Chủ Nhật, 13 tháng 6, 2021
A 16-year old girl enters a church in tears. “Please father, help me”
“What is it my child?”
“Father, I need your help. I’m pregnant.”
The priest sighed. “I understand my child. You have sinned but you are not the first, nor the last. Our Lord is all-forgiving and I’m here to help you through this. But first I need to understand how it happened.”
“I don’t know Father. I have not sinned; it just happened.”
The priest raised his eyebrows, concerned. “What you mean my child? Who is the father?”
“There is no father; I never been close to a man in my entire life.”
“Did something unusual happen? Is a family member pressuring you? Or do you remember passing out at party after a stranger offered you a drink?”
“Nothing of the sort Father; I’m a shy girl who doesn’t party and I spend most of my days at home.”
“Look. I cannot help you if you do not tell me the truth. If you are not honest with me, I may have to report this to the police.” replied the priest, mildly annoyed.
The girl dropped her defeated eyes to the ground. “I knew it wouldn’t work. I should have listened to my friend”.
The priest smiled, saddened. “I understand how difficult this is, my child. But I promise everything is going to be alright. So what did your friend say?”
“She warned me that the last time a girl managed to pull this one with a priest, she had to create an entire new religion to cover it up.”
A farmer buys a young Cock... (Repost)
As soon as he gets home it fucks all of his 150 hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunch, the cock again screws all 150 hens.
The next day it's fucking the ducks and the geese too. Sadly, later in the day, the farmer finds the cock lying on the ground half-dead and vultures circling over its head. Farmer yells, "You deserve it, you horny bastard!"
The cock slowly opens one eye, looks up at the sky, and whispers, " Shhhhhh, They're about to land!!!"
Bert and Ernie had worked together as morning drivetime radio hosts for twenty years.
They traded jokes, played pop music and generally made people's lives a touch brighter as they trundled to work.
Now though there was silence on the air, Ernie silently reread the fax message from civil defense. As licensed broadcasters they were legally obligated to alert the public, to tell them the nukes were flying and that in a few minutes, all of the world's troubles would be over.
What was the point of that though? To torture people with the knowledge of something they couldn't change?
Their eyes met and a decision was reached. Bert put on their most requested song, a sugary top 40 tune while Ernie produced a bottle of bourbon from under the desk. As their producer banged on the locked studio door, the colleagues toasted the end of a long career.
Bert, always the consummate professional, turned away from the window as the first explosion split the distant horizon. He straightened his tie, tucked in his shirt and brushed his hair back. He would meet his fiery death with dignity.
Bert turned to Ernie and said in a quiet, resigned voice, "How do I look, Ernie?"
Ernie walked slowly over to his friend. He looked into Bert's face and saw the closeness they shared, the strength of their relationship, forged over the years. took a deep breath and spoke quietly:
"With your eyes, Bert."
A man wearing a ten-gallon hat and leather boots goes into a bar and sits down next to a woman. "Are you a real cowboy?", she asks him.
He responds: "For all my life, I have been tamed and ridden horses. I have repaired fences, herded and tended to cows and caught escaped cows. I think it would make sense to call myself a cowboy."
To which she says: "Interesting. I myself am a lesbian. I wake up thinking about women, when I am in the shower I think about women, at night laying in bed I think about women. I constantly think about women." They talk for a while, until she gets up and leaves.
An older couple enters the bar and sits down next to the cowboy. They eyeball him a short while and then muster up the courage to ask him:"Are you a real cowboy?",
to which he replies:"For all my life I thought I was a cowboy, but today I learned that I am in fact a lesbian."
Đăng ký:
Nhận xét (Atom)