I love telling dad jokes

Sometimes he laughs

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Woman talking to a police officer.

Woman: Can you arrest me for calling you a filthy name?

Police Officer: "Yes"

Woman: Can you arrest me for thinking something.?

Police Officer: "No"

Woman: I think you're a cunt.

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Two women are walking home from the bar

Two women are walking home from the bar, they have to piss so they slip into a cemetary. One uses her panties to wipe herself, the other uses flowers and gifts off a head stone. Next night husbands are at the bar, one looks at the other and says "I'm gonna have to watch my wife she came home with no panties on last night." The other one says "Oh well mine came home with a card wedged in her ass saying you were loved and will be missed by the entire fire department.

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A joke I remember making up when I was 7 : What do you get when a giant steps on a house?

Mushrooms

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It’s ok if your phone autocorrects “Fuck” to “Duck”

You’re still using Fowl Language.

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Boss: How is it that you are always sick on weekdays?

Me: It’s my weekend immune system.

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Most people are…

Most people are cunts. Don’t believe me?

Next time you see a group of people, yell “Oi cunt” and watch them all turn around

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