Guy: One Mojito please
Me: Sure
Guy: Can you make it virgin?
Me (Holding back tears): Yes... yes I can
Thứ Năm, 17 tháng 6, 2021
A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink.
He puts a frog on the table in front of him.
A woman at the other end of the bar watches as the man just sits there drinking while the frog watches him. Curiosity finally gets the better of her, so she walks up to the man and asks, "What's with the frog?"
The man looks at the woman and says, "This is my pet frog. He's very special."
"Why?" asked the woman.
"Well, I've taught this frog how to pleasure women orally."
The woman laughs, but the man is serious. After more drinks the woman agrees to let the man prove it.
So they go out back to the man's car, the woman drops trou, and the man places the frog between her legs and tells the frog, "Alright buddy, go to town."
The frog just sits there doing nothing.
"Come on, man. Don't be shy!"
Still, the frog does nothing.
"This is your moment to shine!"
But the frog doesn't move.
So the man picks up the frog, looks the frog in the eyes and says, "This is the last time I'm gonna show you how to do this!"
The military is cutting staff and decide to get rid of three generals. One from the Army, the Airforce, and the Marines.
All of them are old, grizzled men who had seen their fair share of war, so the Pentagon comes up with a unique bonus system for their service. They can choose two points of their bodies and for every inch between them they would get 10k.
First up was the Army general. He chose to measure between the tips of his middle fingers with his arms spread wide. Second was the Air Force, who chose the top of his head to the soles of his feet. Then came the Marine General.
"I want you to measure from the tip of my dick to my balls."
The men running the measuring laughed and then asked him, seriously, where he wanted to measure.
"I am being serious. Now start measuring."
The men tried to dissuade him but he was adamant. Finally, resigned, one of the men takes the measuring tape and goes to take the measurement. When the general removed his pants the man jumped up in alarm.
"Sir! Where are your balls?!?"
"IN VIETNAM!"
Thứ Tư, 16 tháng 6, 2021
You have to be born in the 1940's and been a teenager in 1957 in order to get this joke
Its 1957 and Bob goes to pick up his date.
Peggy Sue's Father invites him in.
He asks Bob what they plan on doing.
Bob politely responds that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in.
Peggy Sue's father suggests, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it."
Bob is shocked. "Excuse me Sir?"
"Oh yes, Peggy Sue really likes to screw. She'd screw all night if we let her."
Just then, Peggy Sue comes down stairs and announces she is ready to go.
About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door and screams at her father,
"Dad! The Twist! It's called the Twist!"
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