why do orphans go to church

so they can call someone father...

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The urge to sing The Lion Sleeps Tonight is always just a whim away

Aweem away...

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My therapist told me I am quite self aware.

I already knew that....

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I took my daughter to my office for, "Bring your kid to work day". BIG MISTAKE!

After meeting everyone she started getting cranky and began to cry. As everyone gathered around to try to console her, she looked at me and in a loud voice complained, "Where are all the clowns you tell me & mommy you work with everyday?"...

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Why can't you starve in the desert?

Because of all the sand which is there....

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What do you call a french man wearing sandals?

Phillipe Phillope....

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Anybody caught breaking rule will be fined....

The first day of university and Dean addressing the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.” He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?” At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: “How much for a season ticket?”...

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