Dog sends a Telegram

A German Shepherd went to the telegram office, took out a blank form, and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof." The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price." "But," the dog replied, "that would make no sense at all."...

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As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there *isn’t* something trying to kill you...

“School” is my answer...

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On the sixth day, when God created man, he hesitated, and asked the rooster, "How many penises should I give man?"

The rooster replied, "a cock a dude'll do."...

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Three friends were bragging about who has the most sex.

Three friends were bragging about who has the most sex. The first guy starts, “Y'all ain't got nothing on me! I can go to any bar and bring home a new woman every night! Not only that, but I drive a corvette and have an 8 inch penis! I've slept with more than 1,000 women!” ​ Second guy fires back, “Oh yeah? Well I’m a top gynecologist at the highest rated hospital in the world. I make $800,000 a year, have patients and nurses who have sex with me every hour I’m at work. All the women compliment me on my 12 inch penis and I've slept with well over...

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What happens when you touch Dwayne Johnson’s Butt?-

You hit rock bottom....

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Used Vacuum cleaner for sale.

I don't need it anymore. All it does is collect dust....

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A gynecologist waits on his last patient, who does not arrive.

After an hour, he makes a gin and tonic to relax. After he settles into an armchair to read the newspaper, he hears the doorbell ring. It’s the patient, who arrives all embarrassed and apologizes for the delay. “It doesn't matter,” answers the doctor. “Look, I was having a gin and tonic while waiting. Do you want one to help you relax?” “I accept, thanks!” She answers. He gives her a drink, sits down in front of her and they start talking. Suddenly someone is heard opening the entrance office door. The doctor looks worried, gets up and says: “My...

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