Pilgrims
Thứ Bảy, 26 tháng 6, 2021
A man walked into his doctors office, and asked him for 3 viagra pills
A man walked into his doctors office, and asked him for 3 viagra pills.
The doctor asked, "Why only 3?"
The man said, "Well, Friday my secretary is coming over, Saturday my girlfriend is coming over, and Sunday, my wife is coming home form her vacation".
The doctor said, "That's more than I wanted to know, but here's your 3 pills".
A week later the doctor saw the man at the gas station, his arm in a cast and sling.
"What happened to you? Did the women all find out about one another?" the doctor asked.
The man said "No... nobody showed up!"
[ NSFW ] Little billy is out back in his yard, playing with his toy airplane when his mother happens to glance out of the open window.
8 year old Billy "flies" his toy airplane around, making engine noises until it, presumably at it's imaginary destination, comes screeching to a halt.
" Ladies and gentlemen", says billy, pretending to be the captain. "Everyone getting the hell out should get the hell out. And anyone getting the hell in, should get the hell in."
Shocked, his mother yells out the window "Billy!! You get in here this instant. Where did you learn that kind of language?? Your going to sit in the corner and think about what you did."
With a "yes ma'am" Billy retires to the corner.
A few hours go by and Billy's mother tells him he can go back outside. " You can go play again, but watch your mouth young man."
" Yes ma'am"
Billy goes back outside and flies around a bit, making engine noises, then looks at the kitchen window. He flies around a little bit more and checks the window again. A third time he flies around making engine noises then suddenly comes to a stop.
" Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We will be back under way shortly. And anyone who is upset about the 3 hour delay... Blame the bitch in the window."
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”
The father, surprised, answers, “Well son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50 they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes, you see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mum, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles, and says, “Well dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s it's like a birch, flexible but reliable. After 50 it's like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes,” the mother replies, “dead from the root up, the balls are just for decoration and it only goes up once a year."
Thứ Sáu, 25 tháng 6, 2021
A teacher goes for a long walk on the beach. She finds a shiny magic lamb, picks it up, and rubs it.
There is a puff of blue smoke and a genie pops out. “You have three wishes. I can give you anything in the world. If I fail, I must become your personal genie for eternity.”
The teacher thinks for a moment and says, “For my first wish, I want jewels. Silver, gold, platinum, whatever you have.” Poof! The jewels appear.
“For my second wish, I want karma. Lots of karma.” Poof! The karma appears.
The genie stares at the teacher, waiting for the third wish. “I can give you anything in the world,” he says again.
The teacher thinks for a long time. “As a teacher, I always hated careless mistakes from my students. I noticed that I accidentally wrote ‘lamb’ instead of ‘lamp.’ Please correct my mistake.”
The genie moaned in anguish. “This is Reddit,” he shouted. Once you post it, you can’t edit the title.
“In that case,” the teacher smiled, “It looks like I’ve got myself a genie for eternity.”
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