“Dad, why is my sister called Teresa?” “Well son, your mum really really loves Easter, and Teresa is an anagram of Easter”

“Thanks Dad”

“You're welcome Alan”

Read More

True facts....

****True Facts****

1. IN the 1400s, a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb, hence we have 'the rule of thumb'.

2. Many years ago, in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden', and thus the word GOLF entered the English language.

3 Each King in a deck of playing cards, represents a great 'King' in history;

Spades - King David

Hearts, Charlemagne

Clubs, Alexander the Great

Diamonds, Julius Caesar

1. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bedframes by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress support tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on, hence, the phrase 'Goodnight, sleep tight'.

2. It was accepted practice in Babylon 4000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son in law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer, and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the 'Honey month', which we know of today as the honeymoon.

3. Since 1966, English fans have said they are going to win the cup at the start of every football competition, hence the phrase, 'Deluded twats'.

Read More

I took a pole and found out that 100% of people

were angry when the tent fell down.

Read More

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her 3rd grade class. The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Principal: 6+6.

Boy: 12.

The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Grade 4 immediately. The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.

Madam: What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?

Boy: Legs.

Madam: What is in your trousers that I don't have?

Boy: Pockets.

Madam: What starts with a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?

Boy: Coconut.

Madam: What goes in hard & then comes out soft & sticky?

The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge

Boy: Bubble gum.

Madam: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.

Boy: Tent.

The principal was looking restless.

Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.

Boy: Wedding ring.

Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good?

Boy: Nose.

Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.

Boy: Arrow.

Principal: OH MY GOD.

Madam: What starts with 'F' and ends with a 'K' and if you don't get it, you have to use your hand?

Boy: Fork.

Madam: What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?

Boy: Surname.

Principal: Ohooo!

Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?

Boy: Heart.

Principal: Eeeeeh!

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam, "Send this bloody boy to the university. I myself got all the answers wrong!"

Read More

How much does a rainbow weigh?

Not much, they're actually pretty light.

Read More

Why are women and children evacuated first in disasters?

So the men can think of a solution in silence.

Read More

What weighs more? A gallon of water or a gallon of butane?

Water. Butane is a lighter fluid.

Read More