Wtf kinda name is hahaha
Thứ Hai, 28 tháng 6, 2021
God Of Thunder
Awakening the morning after an orgy, the god of thunder was stretching sleepily when he noticed a beautiful Valkyrie standing in the doorway. “Good morning,” he said. “I’m Thor”. She replied “ You’re Thor? I’m tho thor I can hardly pith.”
"Dad what is the difference between realistically and hypothetically speaking?"
-Well son, go and ask your mom and sister if they would have sex with a stranger for 1 million dollars
-But why dad, how is this going to answer my question?
- Just do it!
After a few minutes the son returns to his dad..
-Hey dad,both said they would accept the 1 million dollars offer for sex
-Therefore son, hypothetically speaking we could have 2 million dollars, but realistically speaking we only have two hookers in the house.
Three sisters die in a car crash.
Three sister die in a car crash. All three sisters make it up to heaven where they are greeted by God himself. God opens the pearly gates to reveal ducks everywhere
God says “Welcome to heaven, there is only one rule here. The only thing you can not do is step on any of the ducks so you must always watch your step.”
The sisters are very cautious throughout their first days there, however the oldest sister accidentally steps on a duck. God then came waking up with this ugly man and handcuffed the man to the oldest sister. God said “As a punishment for stepping on A duck you will have to spend the rest of eternity with this man.” The other sisters knowing the punishment take extra caution over the next couple of days. Unfortunately the middle sister could not avoid it anymore and accidentally stepped on a duck. Again god walked up and handcuffed a hideous man to the middle sister for eternity. The youngest sister made sure to always watch her step and after about a month or so god came walking up to her with an attractive young man and handcuffed them together. God then stared to walk away when the youngest sister stoped him and said “ But god, I did not step on a duck” To which god replied “Yes, but he did”
How to cook sausages
Once upon a time there was a little girl and one day her mommy decided it was time for her to learn how to cook sausages.
So she explains, slowly and patiently:
"You cut off the ends of the sausages, put a non-stick pan over a medium heat, and then add the sausages. Keep cooking, moving them around in the pan and turning them over regularly so they all cook evenly."
The little girl listens, pays attention, and watches closely as her mommy shows her how it's done.
But this little girl is clever. And she asks questions:
"Mommy, why do you cut off the ends of the sausages?"
The mother is slightly thrown off guard as she doesn't know, and just tries to avoid the subject.
"That's just how it's done, hunny."
Weeks go by and one day the time has come to eat sausages again and the ritual repeats itself: the mommy explains, the little girl watches and learns, and after some careful consideration she asks the exact same question:
"But mommy, you still didn't tell my why you cut off the ends of the sausages?"
At this point the mother can't brush off the little girl anymore and tells her she just doesn't know but they will ask the little girl's grandmother.
So they drive up to the grandmother's house, they make conversation, and at some point the little girl just has to ask: "Grandma, why do you cut off the ends of the sausages?"
Just like the mother, the grandmother simply does not know. She tries to tell the little girl she should just do as she is told but this little girl is persistent.
One thing leads to another and finally they all agree they will ask the little girl's great grandmother, who is still alive.
So they drive up to the retirement home. Now, you should know the great grandmother is old, getting deaf and she shouts, hence the ALL CAPS.
Once again they try to make conversation, which is not easy because the great grandmother is hard of hearing. But, you guessed it, the moment finally comes, and the little girl asks:
"Great grandmother, I just have to ask; why do you cut off the ends of the sausages?"
"WHAT? SPEAK UP, GIRL, I CAN'T HEAR YOU! SAY THAT AGAIN?", the great grandmother replies.
The child raises her voice, and asks again:
"WHY DO YOU CUT OFF THE ENDS OF THE SAUSAGES?"
And the great grandmother goes:
"WTF? ARE YOU GUYS STILL USING THAT SMALL FRYING PAN?"
Nurse in a care home walked past one of the bedrooms She sees an elderly lady sucking on her husbands penis.
She came in and said "Mrs Philips, you can't do that."
"Why not?" She asked, "I enjoy doing it."
"Yes." She replied, "but it was meant to be buried with the rest of him."
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