Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?
Thứ Sáu, 9 tháng 7, 2021
A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her.
All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" He said, "Explain the kids!"
A Canadian was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.
The Canadian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation.
The American snapped his gum and said, "You Canadian folk eat the whole bread?"
The Canadian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "Of course".
The American blew a huge bubble. "We don't. In the States, we only eat what's inside.
The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to Canada."
The American had a smirk on his face. The Canadian listened in silence.
The American persisted, "D'ya eat jam with your bread?"
Sighing, the Canadian replied, "Of course."
Cracking his gum between his teeth, the American said, "we don't. In the States, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds and the leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell it to Canada."
The Canadian then asked, "Do you have sex in the States?"
The American smiled and said, "Why of course we do."
The Canadian leaned closer to him and asked, "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
"We throw them away, of course!"
Now it was the Canadian's turn to smile.
"We don't. In Canada, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to the United States. Why do you think it's called Wrigley's?
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read: Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension cheque. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me? Sincerely, Edna
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few pounds. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected £96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends. Christmas came and went.
A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read: Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was £4 missing. I think it must have been those bastards at the Post Office !
Q: What do you call 500 neo-Nazis at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.
Q: What do you call 500 triathletes at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A bad start.
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