A blind man's big penis

A blind man was always turned down by women because of his disability. He knew one thing though, that he had an abnormally large erection. Knowing he couldn't successfully have a relationship, and use his hammer properly, he asked one of his dear friends to bring him to "pleasure palace", a local sex facility.

They go to the place and his friend says to the woman behind the desk, without his blind friend hearing, "my friend here is blind, but he claims you will not be disappointed." So the woman agrees and brings him into a room. She pulls his pants down and wows about his erection. She knew she couldn't handle it so she brought in another woman. She couldn't handle it and told the boss. The boss comes in to take a look at it and tells the blind mans friend to take him somewhere else. He only knew one other place to find a vagina big enough to fulfill his wishes. So he took him to your mothers house.

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This priest decided to skip church one sunday morning and go play golf

He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.

He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried is an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.

An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"

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Stalin wakes up one morning and walks onto his balcony to see the sun rise.

"Good morning, Comrade Sun" he says.

"And a very good morning to you, Comrade Stalin" the sun replies.

Later in the day, as Stalin is heading to NKVD headquarters to meet with Beria he says, "Good afternoon, Comrade Sun"

"And a very good afternoon to you, Comrade Stalin" the Sun replies.

As he goes for his evening jog on the Kremlin's grounds, he says, "Good evening, Comrade Sun"

No response.

"I said 'Good evening, Comrade Sun'" Stalin says with his anger rising.

The Sun replies, "Fuck you, I'm in the West now."

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A guy in a bar bets the bartender $50 that he can lick his eyeball

The bartender agrees

The man takes his glass eye out, and bites it

The bartender angrily gives the man his money

The man bets the bartender $500 dollars that he can bite his other eyeball too

The bartender agrees to the bet, because the man was not blind

The man pulls out his dentures and lightly chomps them on his other eyeball

The bartender is fuming, but gives the man his money

The man then orders a beer, and walks away

The man walks back, and bets the bartender $1000 that he can piss directly into a shot glass while running, with 2 attempts

The bartender knows for a fact that this is impossible, and agrees to the bet

On attempt 1, the man gets piss everywhere, and none in the shot glass

The bartender smirks, with high hopes

On attempt 2, the man once again pisses everywhere in the bar, except for the glass

The bartender jumps up and down in excitement, knowing that he has won

Then another man in the corner of the bar screams 'FUCK'

When the bartender asks what the problem is, the man says,
"That asshole just bet me $10,000 that he could piss all over the bar, and that you would be happy"

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My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans. I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but..."

"Look at what kids your age make in China!"

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A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast.

I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.

After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The bastard used coins"

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A man walks into a bar and the bartender says, "If you can make that horse over there laugh, you can get free drinks for the rest of the night."

The man walks over, says something to the horse, it laughs, and he walks back over to the bar to collect his free drinks. The next night, the man goes back to the bar and the bartender asks the man if he can make the horse cry. The man walks over, does something to the horse, and it starts to cry. The bartender asks, "How did you make it cry?" The man replies, "Well, to make the horse laugh last night I told it I had a bigger dick and to make it cry tonight I showed it."

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