Just like yo momma
Thứ Hai, 12 tháng 7, 2021
One day, a wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. Naturally, she was very upset.
“You are a disrespectful pig!” she cried. “How dare you do this to me! I’m a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want a divorce right away!”
The husband replied, “Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.”
“Go ahead,” she sobbed, “but they’ll be the last words you’ll say to me!”
So the husband began, “Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.
I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days. So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night. The ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments!
Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don’t wear because you say they are too tight.
I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don’t wear because I don’t have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don’t wear just to annoy her and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don’t wear because someone at work has a pair the same.”
The husband took a quick breath and continued, “She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said…” “Do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?”
A man and his wife are having dinner when he asks her, "Darling, if I died tomorrow, would you remarry?"
"I don't like to think about such things" she replies
"No, go on. Just hypothetically, say the worst happened, would you pine for me as a lonely spinster for the rest of your life, or would you get past it and shack up with a new guy?" Hs presses
She thinks for a moment and says "well, if you really want an honest answer, then...yes, I probably would remarry"
He takes this in and then asks "and would you let him live in the house?"
"Well, yes of course I would." She replies
"I see. And would you let him sleep in our bed?"
"I would, yes" she continues, more confidently.
He thinks about this for a moment, mulling on it before asking "and how about my golf clubs, would you let him have a go on those as well?"
"No." She replies quickly. "No, I absolutely wouldn't let him use your clubs"
"Oh? And whys that?" The husband asks, relieved
"He's left handed"
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