that was one hell of an orgy
Thứ Tư, 21 tháng 7, 2021
A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution "this guy looks edible, never seen his kind before".
So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic but as he's about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea and says loudly "mmm...that was some good lion meat!".
The lion abruptly stops and says " Woah! This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can".
Over by the tree top, a monkey witnessed everything. Evidently, the monkey realizes the he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion and getting something in return. So the monkey proceeds to tell the lion what really happened and the lion says angrily "get on my back, we'll get him together".
So they start rushing back to the dog. The dog sees them and realized what happened and starts to panic even more. He then gets another idea and shouts "where the hell is that monkey! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago..."
A reporter went to a small village...
And asked one of the villagers, "hey could you tell me a story about your village?" The villager says "well one time a neighbors goat got lost in the mountains, and we all got together to look for it, and then we found it. We all celebrated and drank and then we all had sex with the goat".
The reporter looks astonished and says "My friend I can't make a report on a story like that, why don't you tell me a happy story"
The villager says "Oh ok, well one time the wife of a neighbor got lost, we all got together to look for her and we found her. Then we all celebrated and drank and then everyone had sex with her.
The reporter then says "My god, well then tell me a sad story!"
The villager, saddened, looks to the ground and replies, "Well one time I got lost."
A few minutes before the services started, satan appeared at the front of the church
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said, "Do you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't." said the man.
"Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?" asked Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And you are still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope," said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years."
A young boy says to his father "Dad, our maths teacher is asking to see you."
"What happened?" The father asks.
"Well, she asked me, 'how much is 7 * 9?' I answered '63' , then she asked, 'and 9 * 7?' So I asked 'what's the fucking difference?'
"Indeed, what is the difference?" asks the father. ''Sure, I'll go.''
The next day, the boy comes home from school and says, "Dad, have you gone by the school?"
"Not yet."
"Well when you do, come and see the gym teacher also."
"Why?" asks the father.
"Well we had a gym class today, and he asked me to raise my left arm, I did. Then my right arm, I also raised it. Then he asked me to lift my right leg, so I did. 'Now,' he says, 'lift your left leg,' so I asked, 'What, am I suppose to stand on.... my cock??'"
"Exactly," says the father. "Alright, I'll come."
The next day, the boy asks his father "Did you go to the school?" "No, not yet."
"Don't bother, I got expelled."
Surprised, the father asks "Why did you get expelled?"
"Well, they summoned me to the principal's office, and sitting there were the math teacher, the gym teacher, and the art teacher."
"The fuck was the art teacher doing there!?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"
Thứ Ba, 20 tháng 7, 2021
On the sixth day
*ON THE SIXTH DAY... *
God Creating Spiders
God: Make it have 8 legs
Angel: Seems excessive but OK
God: And 8 eyes
Angel: You need to calm down a li-
God: Give it a bum rope
God Creating Kittens
God: make them fluffy & adorable like little furry hugs
Angel: that’s so swee….
God: And put razor blades on their feet
God Creating Mosquitos
God: I wonder how I could get everyone to spray chemicals on themselves and also slap their own faces…
God Creating Bees
God: Put a needle on it’s bum
Angel: Come on God, what –
God: Make it’s puke delicious
Angel: What the hell!!!
God Creating Praying Mantis
God: Make an insect that does karate
Angel: Okay…
God: Now make it bite her husband’s head off
Angel: Dude, we need to talk
God Creating Dogs
God: Oh these turned out great. I’m going to want all of these back at some point
God Creating Pandas
God: Cow bears
Angel: What?
God: Did I stutter?
Angel: ??
God: Take a cow and make it a bear
God Creating Snakes
God: How about a sock that’s angry all the time
God Creating Alligators
God: See that log?
Angel: Yeah?
God: Fill it with teeth
Angel: Say again?
God: FILL IT!
God Creating Jellyfish
God: How about an evil bag?
God Creating Parrots
God: How about like a tie Dye Chicken who screams actual words at you?
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