The guy is essentially a giant banner.
Thứ Năm, 22 tháng 7, 2021
C, E flat and G walk into a bar.
They ask the bartender for a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry we don’t serve minors here”. E flat walks out while C and G have a fifth between the two of them.
On a weather forecast in Russia reporter said it was -50C in Yakutsk.
On a weather forecast in Russia reporter said it was -50C in Yakutsk.
A guy from Moscow says to his wife: Guy:- They are overreacting, I'll call my cousin who lives there, and he'll tell me the truth.
He calls his cousin and asks, Guy:- What's the weather like where you are?
Cousin:- It's around -20C I would say.
Guy:- I knew the news were lying, they said it was -50C.
Cousin:- Oh, well it might be outside.
A man walks into a bar and sits next to a hitman who charges $10,000 a bullet
The man says "Aren't you the guy who charges 10k a bullet?" The hitman replies "Yeah, thats me." The man says "I have a job for you. I got 20k spare, and I found out my wife was cheating on me with my best friend. I want you to shoot my wife in the head, and my friend in the penis." The hitman accepts the offer, and the man gives him the name of the hotel they are staying at.
They both arrive at the hotel, and climb to the roof of a building next to it. The hitman aims at the window of the wife's hotel room. The man says to the hitman "Why are you taking so long? Go ahead and take the shot!" The hitman says, "Be patient. I'm trying to save you $10,000."
Three guys were sitting at a bar, having drinks and talking…
The first guy starts bragging and says, “I made love to my wife 4 times last night. She said in the morning that she loved each one more and more.”
The second guy chimes in and replies, “Oh, that’s nothing. I made love to my wife 8 times last night, and she told me in the morning that it’s the best night that she’s ever had.”
The third guy keeps drinking and is remaining silent while the two guys keep arguing back and forth about who gave their wife the best night. Finally, the first guy asks him, “Hey, why are you being so quiet over there? How many times did you make love to your wife last night?”
He replies, “Only once.”
The first two guys look at each other and start laughing. “Only one time? No wonder you didn’t say anything. So what did she say in the morning?”
The third guy looks up and replies, “Don’t stop.”
[Long] A guy and his monkey walk into a bar
The monkey jumps on the counter and gobbles up a bowl of peanuts.
The bartender asked the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
The guy replied, "Yeah, he does that all the time. He's always hungry. I'll pay for the peanuts", and hands the bartender a buck. The bartender clinks a couple of pennies as change onto the counter, which the monkey promptly grabs and swallows.
The guy said, "Oh he eats random things all the time".
As if on cue, the monkey jumps onto the pool table and stuffs the cue ball down his throat. Sighing, the man brings out his wallet.
The next week, the man and his monkey go back to the bar. This time, the monkey sees cherries on the counter. He grabs one, rams it up his buttcrack, removes it and eats it.
Disgusted, the bartender asks the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
The guy says, "Yeah, ever since he had to shit out that cue ball he ate last time, he'll be darned if he doesn't measure everything first".
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