“I don’t know. What do you feel like?”
Thứ Năm, 22 tháng 7, 2021
A guy finds his dog with the neighbors pet rabbit in its mouth
The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house. He gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?"
The guy stammers and says, "Um... no... what happened?"
The neighbor replies, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath, and put him back into the cage. And now, weirdest of all: even though he's dead, his little left paw keeps moving back and forth, back and forth, back and forth."
The guy runs back to his house, digs through the shampoo he used when he washed the rabbit, and his worst fears are confirmed. Right there on the label: Permanent Wave For Damaged Hare.
Three rats are at a bar telling stories on how tough they are....
The first rat takes a shot and says, "Whenever I find rat poison, I like to crush it up and do lines just to get a good buzz for the day." The second rat takes a shot and says, "That's nothing! Whenever I find cheese on a mousetrap, I purposely trip the spring & right before I get crushed I bench press the bar 20-30 times & then take the cheese." The third rat hearing this takes his shot, gets up, & proceeds to walk out the door. The other two rats are dumbfounded & shout out to him, Where are you going?" The third rat replies, "I have to get home to fuck the cat!"
A lady approaches a priest and shyly tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots but, they only know how to say one thing... they keep saying 'Hi, we’re hot... do you want to *fuck us*?'"
"That's terrible!" says the priest. "But, I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two parrots over to my house tomorrow. I will put them with my two male talking parrots... to whom I've taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will then teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible filth, and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship the good Lord.
" So the next day, the lady brings her two female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.
The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male talking Parrots, and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're hot. Do you want to fuck us?”
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and screams, "Put the bible away you jackass, our prayers have been answered!"
C, E flat and G walk into a bar.
They ask the bartender for a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry we don’t serve minors here”. E flat walks out while C and G have a fifth between the two of them.
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