Interviewee: That is because I went to Yale
Job interviewer: Oh, that is impressive! You are hired!
Interviewee: Thanks! I really needed this Yob
Thứ Sáu, 23 tháng 7, 2021
I used to make jokes at work during meetings, and I could really get people laughing. Then COVID hit, and all our meetings were online. I'd still make jokes, but no one would laugh...
Not one. At first, I thought it was just because everyone was muted. It turns out, they didn't find me remotely funny.
A married couple is fighting
A married couple is fighting when the wife says, I don’t want you in this house anymore, pack your shit and get out. Husband starts packing as the wife is still nagging him. The husband opens the door to leave and just as he is walking out the wife says, “I hope you die a slow and painful death you son of a bitch”. The husband stops and says, “I don’t understand, do you want me to stay”
Jane had developed a certain attraction to Tarzan. So during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex. "Tarzan not know what is sex" he replied. Jane then explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said ...."Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."
Stunned by his response, Jane said: "Tarzan you have it all wrong, you don't shag a tree to get yourself off. Tell you what, I will show you how to do it properly."
She took off her clothing, got completely naked and laid down on the ground.
"Here" she said, pointing to her privates, "you must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her as hard as he could in the crotch.
Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.
Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed: "What the bloody hell did you do that for?
"Check for squirrel." Tarzan responds
John manages a band where his dog plays guitar and his cat sings
Everyone is amazed. No one understands how they're doing it and it becomes a huge hit. The band travels around the country and John makes a lot of money from the band's success.
Eventually, it catches wind in Italy and Berlusconi wants to hear the band live. He invites John to Rome and he comes with his cat and dog ready to play.
Before they play, Berlusconi begins a dialogue.
Berlusconi: John, I don't care about your actual band, I just want to know the secret. How do you do it?
John: I don't do anything, the dog plays guitar and the cat sings, it's as simple as that.
Berlusconi: come on John, just tell me! No way it's real
John: look, it's my livelihood. I can't go around telling the secret i make a career out of this
Berlusconi: money is nothing to me, I'll pay you whatever you want just tell me how you do it
John: alright...I'll tell you. The dog plays guitar and sings, the cat just moves its mouth and pretends.
My brother took going to jail pretty badly
He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him and smeared the walls with his own faeces. After that, we never played Monopoly again.
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