What room doesn’t have ghosts?

Living room.

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Old man Sitting on his front porch. (Long)

One afternoon he see a kid ride past on his bike with a roll of chicken wire. The old guy asks: "Where are you heading with that chicken wire son?"

"I'm gonna catch me some chickens down at the park".

"You don't catch chickens with chicken wire"

The old feller shakes his head in exasperation with the 'youth of today'. Half an hour later, the kid rides past with 3 chickens bundled up in the chicken wire.

"Well I'll be hornswoggled".

The next day the kid rides past with a roll of duck tape on the handlebars of his bike. The old guy asks:

"Where are you heading with that duck tape son?"

"I'm gonna catch me some ducks down at the pond".

"You don't catch ducks with duck tape son"

The old feller shakes his head in exasperation with the 'youth of today'. Half an hour later, the kid rides past with 3 ducks wrapped up in the duck tape.

"Well I'll be hornswoggled".

The next day the kid rides past with a couple of stalks of pussy willow. The old guys says:

"Hang on a second. I'll get my hat'.

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I asked my wife if I was the only one she's been with.

She said, "Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights".

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How will you know if you die of the Delta variant of COVID?

On your way to heaven or wherever, you'll make a stop in Atlanta.

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Why do the French never have more than one egg for breakfast?

Because one egg is un oeuf

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When I was young, I thought rich people bought Bose products and the rest of us had to settle for Sony.

Turns out — that was just a stereotype.

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A Mafia gang takes on a deaf man to run their deliveries...

A Mafia gang takes on a deaf man to run their deliveries, feeling it would be safer having someone unable to overhear conversations. 

However, one day when he is to deliver a large sum of money, he never shows up with it.  The mobsters track him down, but don't find the money on him.  As none of them are able to use sign language, they bring in an interpreter.

Mobster: "Where'd you hide the money?" (Interpreter signs the question.)

The bag man signs his reply. The interpreter says, "He says he had to ditch it in the river because the cops were onto him."

Mobster:  "I'm not fooling around!  You better tell me where that money is!"  (Interpreter again signs.)

The bag man signs his reply, and the interpreter relays, "He swears he is telling the truth.  He had to get rid of it."

The mobster pulls out a revolver and points it between the deaf man's eyes. "Tell me where that money is, or I'll kill you right now!" (Interpreter signs his statement.)

The bag man, sweating profusely, signs, "It's inside a shoebox under a loose floorboard in my bedroom closet."

The interpreter says, "He says he doesn't know where it is and he doesn't think you have the guts to pull the trigger."

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