A man and his wife are feeling like their sex life is getting stale

They’ve already tried just about everything, so after some discussion they decide to really mix it up and try ear sex.

They plan a special night for it and when the night comes, they put the kids to bed and get ready for sexy times.

They start normally and work up to the ear penetration and they find that they’re actually both enjoying it quite a bit more than they expected. It doesn’t take long for the man to get close to completion but just as he’s about to finish, his wife wife pushes him off and tells him to stop, quickly covering herself.

Naturally, he’s concerned and immediately asks her what happened. After a brief hesitation she responds:

“I’m sorry babe, I could have sworn I heard someone coming!”

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Women shouldn't have children after 36.

36 children are more than enough.

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Three blondes are stranded on an island when a Genie appears.

"There are three of you so I will grant each of you a single wish" the Jinn tells the women.

The first wishes to be intelligent enough to escape the island so the Genie turns her hair Red and she then immediately swims off the island.

The second wishes to be smarter than the first. The Genie turns her into a brunette, she builds a boat and floats away.

The third wishes to be even smarter than the second so the Genie turns her into a man and he walks across the bridge.

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Sat down in a restaurant to eat dinner last night, and the waiter asked if I'd like to hear today's special.

I said yeah

He said, today is special.

I said, I can appreciate a good dad joke, but can you tell me about the menu please.

The waiter slams his notebook down on the table, and says, sir the men I please is my own private business.

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A man brings two ibuprofen and a glass of water to his wife of 30 years...

"What's this?" She asks.

"It's for your headache." He replies.

"I don't have a headache." She says.

"Oh good! So let's fuck" He replies.

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A man sits next to me on the train and pulls out his phone showing me a photo of his girlfriend on his background screen, and said “she’s beautiful isn’t she?”

I go “if you think she’s beautiful, you should see my wife…”

He goes “why, is she a stunner?”

I replied “no, she’s an optician”

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I was fucking my wife last night

I was fucking my wife last night when she looked back and said ”I’m feeling kinky tonight, turn off the light and stick it in my arse”. As soon as i did, she screamed.

Maybe next time i should let the bulb cool down first

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