we will be telling them tonight.
Thứ Sáu, 6 tháng 8, 2021
A young Greek couple are about to get married.
Before the nuptials, the young woman’s mother pulls her aside for a quick chat.
“Now you’re about to be married,” begins the mother, “...and Greek men are known to prefer sex in a very specific way so at some point, he may ask you to ‘turn around’. I want you to know that it’s ok to say no if you don’t want to do it that way.”
The wedding day comes & goes and there’s no ‘turn around’ request from her new husband. No request on the honeymoon nor through their first year. No special request for their 1st anniversary, or their 2nd.
Halfway through their 3rd year, her husband says “You know....if you want, you can turn around and we can try this a different way”.
The woman says “No no no! My mother warned me that this day might come and she told me I never have to do that if I don’t want to!”
The husband replies “That’s fine with me....but I thought you wanted kids one day”.
My Italian Grandfathers favorite joke about a woman who doesn't want sex
Hopefully this joke translates to English. It was my grandfather’s favorite.
A woman goes to see the doctor with complaints of a low sex drive. She tells the Dr “My husband wants me to get medicine so I’ll want sex as much as he does”, Doc tell her no problem he will give her the same hormone pills the Olympic weightlifting team uses . He confidently explains, “all of them want to have sex multiple times a day”
2 months later the woman returns to doctor in tears: “Now I want sex all the time but my husband doesn’t want to have it with me, because I’ve grown hair on my chest.”
The surprised doctor asks her: “How far does the hair go down?”
Woman replies: “All the way to my balls. That is another thing I wanted to talk you about”
Thứ Năm, 5 tháng 8, 2021
A guy halts his car near a prostitutes.
„How much for a blowjob“ he asks. „50“ she answers. „Great, hop in“ he says.
She gets in the car, takes the $50 and gets down on him. After she‘s done, the guy says „That was so hot, here‘s another $100 just for you.“ She‘s surprised but pleased. She takes the money and gets out of the car.
The next night, the guy halts with his car near the same prostitute and asks „How much for fucking?“. „200“ she replies. He agrees, she hops in the car and they drive off to shag somewhere in a dark alley. When they‘re done, he thanks her for the great sex and gives her additional $150. Again, surprised but pleased, she leaves him and he drives off.
The next night, the dude shows up again and asks the same prostitute „How much for anal?“. „300“ she replies. He agrees, she gets in his car and they drive to the same dark alley and get freaky. After they‘re done, he gives her additional $200.
„Why do you keep giving me that much money?“ She asks. „Are you Mary Smith from Greenville who moved out last year to become an actress?“ „Um… yes… why?“
„Your mother says hello and sends you $1000“.
A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him, so he walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing...
She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole and you’re a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.”
He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached the lady, again with the same request.
She said, “I’m on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th.”
Once again, he thanked her.
He finished his round, went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar.
He went up to her and said, “Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help.”
He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did.
She said she was in sales and he said he was in sales also.
He asked what she sold.
She replied, “If I told you, you would only laugh.”
“No, I wouldn’t.” he said.
She said, “I sell tampons.”
With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, “See, I knew you would laugh.”
“That’s not what I’m laughing at!” he replied. “I’m a toilet paper salesman, so I’m STILL one hole behind you!”
My little daughter came to me all excited, saying, “Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I’ll be this August!” I chuckled, “Oh I don’t know princess, why don’t you tell me?” She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers.
It’s now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she still won’t say where she got them!
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